𝟑𝟎 𝐃𝐚𝐲𝐬 𝐃𝐞𝐚𝐥

~~ 90. ~~

He was ready to accept the fact that she believed he cheated on her. And he was going to apologize over and over again if that is what is going to make her come back and accept him again. He does not care at all, as long as she was with him. That was what matters and he won't blame her for it.

But she knew her wrongs and was really sorry for it. And that was more than enough.

But this... the guilt he was seeing on her, the self-loathing, bitterness, and pain that was drawn on her face... he doesn't want any of it. It hasn't gotten to that.

"You know that I hate seeing you cry. Stop crying, please. I am not angry at you." He said almost in a whisper. His voice was calm and soothing.

She wouldn't even look him in the eyes and he hated it coupled with her crying. He groaned inwardly. He clenched and unclenched his hand. Then he said to her again. "Please stop crying, Lola. I am not angry at you. Not at all. I swear." He brushed away the tears falling down her cheeks, looking at her intently. "Please stop crying." It was hurting him to see her do so. He hate to be the reason she was crying and being in that state. "Please." He pleaded. 

"I can't..." She covered her face with her palms. "I can't even... I can't even look at you. I hurt you... I feel so bad about myself. I swear to God, I hate myself for it. I am really sorry Demilade."

It pained him to see her in such a situation. He inhaled deeply, staring at her. Then he moved closer to her and placed both his hands on her arm and he pushed her down softly to sit on the floor. He could see her body was giving in. She looked weak and her body was shaking.

Slowly, Lola let him sit her on the brown tiled floor. She was really exhausted. And that pained her even more that he still cared about her to notice that little thing despite everything.

When she was seated on the floor and he didn't have to worry about her feet failing her, he sat down on the floor in front of her. Something that was against his etiquette. But he still did. He stared at her face, studying every feature of her tears streaked face. He swore within him that he missed watching her beautiful face. Three weeks of not seeing her were almost like hell. The fact that he couldn't talk to her to hear her voice, or Skype her and he have no clue about where she could be, didn't make it any less bearable. He almost feels crazy not hearing her voice, her nagging, not seeing her face, not watching her sleep, and not seeing her smile. For days, all he could think about was the tears on her face, the disappointment, the hurt that was on her face when she gave him back the engagement ring.

His subconsciousness did nothing but torment him with it in the past three weeks. And it almost made him crazy.

He brushed her hair backward. She had a cornrow made with her naturally brown hair on her and it was looking old already. It was one of the female hairstyles he hated the most because he saw it too many times on his mother's head in the past. It was too simple and cheap. So affordable that his mother did it all the time then. And it makes him hate it a whole lot but there was something different about seeing it on Lola. It made her look younger and it was pretty on her despite it being old and looking rough on her head.

He brushed the hair that stood out of the weaves backward with his hand, softly, then he traced his fingers lightly on her wet face. She looked at his hand and then up at his face. His face tugged up slightly when she looked at him. Her face held a surprise.

"I don't even have any reason to forgive you because there is nothing I need to forgive you about. I should be the one apologizing for not taking your words seriously. I should have worked on it. And I am so sorry for that."

She shook her head vehemently. "You shouldn't apologize. I am the one who was immature... and unreasonable. I should have at least given you the chance to explain. I just hurt you. I acted stupid. I am so stupid..." She sniveled.