Yours Truly

xcviii. an open letter to the boy who broke my heart

An open letter to the boy who broke my heart.

-X-

You treated me like I was nothing and you threw everything we had like it was rotten.

I drowned in my own thoughts every night, yet you never saw me broken in every smile.

Was it fun? Breaking my fragile heart who loved you so much?

You were broken and I had to fix you. However, when you finally became one, you left me with all the missing pieces I gave just to make you whole.

I was left empty, crying, and broken.

I tried everything to distract myself from this loneliness that fills me up each and every moment I was reminded of the ghost of you.

The memories we created haunted me every night as I lie awake in the bed that was once ours.

I ignored these emotions and numbed myself to not feel the pain each and every time I question how could you do all of those things to me.

But a single drop of tear escapes.

And then another..

Another...

And the muffled sobs betrayed me.

Until it drowned me whilst watching the moon light up my dark room.

For days, I felt crumbled as though my soul slipped out of me and my heart broke in half.

I didn't know what I would do after we broke up. 

But I knew that my love for you was pure, gentle, and genuine. 

I never looked at someone when I had you. I was loyal and faithful. The total opposite of how you treated me.

I treated you as if you were a pearl, so precious and rare, that I swam deep just to find. 

You treated me as though I was just a single gem, ordinary and not unique, among the piles of shining rocks among you.

I know that I'm probably better off on my own than loving someone who didn't know what he had when he had it.

Before you, I was whole, happy, contented.

But after I met you, insecure is what you gave to me.

You made me feel as though I wasn't good enough.

I forgot, I wasn't the girl you wanted.

I was only the girl you settled for because there was nobody else.

Days passed and I heard you had somebody new.

Did nine months with me meant nothing to you?

How could you promise forever to me inside a church, in front of God?

How could you tell all of those lies to someone who stayed with you through your darkest times?

I knew as humans, nobody was perfect. But do know that I tried, only for you.

I tried to fit in to your world just for you to look at me and love me right.

I tried, but I got tired.

I got tired of asking you to validate my feelings and to ask me if I was still okay.

You ruined me.

When I only loved you with every love inside of me that I could offer.

Am I the bad person if I could not forgive you with what you put me through?

Am I selfish now that I wish you'll regret every little thing you did to me?

I hope you could feel the pain that I suffered from the shackles of your ungrateful love.

I hope you knew that the trauma you brought upon me would take years for me to heal completely.

I'm a kind person yet you awakened this monster inside of me that anger is what it feeds on.

Someday I'll learn to tame it and to finally accept the apology that I never got.

You broke my heart.

You broke me..

Now if ever you think of me again,

I hope you will remember me as the girl who loved you with all her heart.

The girl who risked everything she had just to love you right.

The girl who understood your demons when everyone ran away.

The girl who accepted you as a human being, flawed, imperfect, but would still embrace you even if you were the fire that's burning her.

Even if you had nothing to give,

Even if you spoke of nothing,

Even if you were nothing,

I loved you with every constellation that failed to connect our galaxies.

-X-