Savior | Klaus Mikaelson

Chapter 44

She moved to stand on the other side of the kitchen island, beginning to prepare her materials for the sauce. He kept looking at her as he got started on the pasta, and it was only after the third expectant look that she realized he was just waiting for her to start talking.

She pursed her lips, not even sure where to start. "Do you remember that conversation we had in Italy?"

"Er... which one?"

"The one about kids. You said you couldn't imagine anything more awful than being a father."

"Yes. I recall you said you would be alright with a puppy in a few decades. I could get you one sooner, I wasn't sure if—"

"I don't want a puppy," she interrupted, feeling too overwhelmed to met his gaze. "I like dogs and cats and all sorts of animals, I really do. But I... I want a baby. Not a puppy."

He stopped what he was doing. "I thought you were alright with a puppy. You said if it wasn't in the cards for us, it was alright."

"I lied. I lied because I didn't want to push the subject when it was clearly not something you were comfortable with. I bottled it up and I thought... I thought I'd be okay. But ever since we had that conversation I feel this emptiness. I know that most people these days don't want kids. Most vampires especially. But I do. I want to be a mom. And I just need you to know that. I can't pretend that I'm completely alright with this no kids decision, because I'm not. I'll understand if you don't want any, I really will, but I needed to have this talk again because having it be just us two isn't enough for me."

Klaus came to stand beside her. "Love," he said guiltily, "were you afraid to tell me? Were you afraid of how I'd react?"

"A little," she admitted. "It's not that I thought you'd get mad, I just didn't want to see that pained look in your eyes... the one you have now. You think you hurt me, but you didn't, Nik, I promise you didn't. It's just that our wants are different. I don't want to force you into something that you're not interested in."

"I cannot imagine myself being a good father," said Klaus. "I simply cannot. I don't ever envision myself being able to be a good parent to an adopted child. One with no ties to me. I'd only make them suffer. I lose my temper far too often. I'd be what Mikael was to me. Someone with no blood relation to such an innocent being. I'd be ruining someone else's child. In these past days that I have been in New Orleans, it is abundantly clear that Marcellus resents me... to what may be an irreparable degree. I ruined him. I cannot stand the idea of ruining another child."

He could tell that it broke her heart to hear him say that. But he also knew that she preferred to hear the truth, no matter how much it hurt, than for him to be lying and putting on a brave face just to give her what she wanted. Most times, he had no problem conforming to her needs, because he truly did like to see her happy. His behavior, he knew, wasn't the best, and if she asked him to do something differently, he could be alright with that.

But for this, he couldn't just set his own feelings aside.

"There are two ways this could go down," she said quietly. "If I wanted to be a mom, I could adopt a kid on my own. Be a single parent. You wouldn't have to be involved, I'd never force you into that. You'd just be 'Mom's boyfriend' to the kid, not 'dad.' The other option would be for us to just not get any kids involved. Ever."

Klaus cupped her face. "Even just speaking about that last option, I can see light fading from your eyes. The light that shines when you imagine being a mother."

"But it might be the better option," she said, her voice cracking. "Because if we go with the first one, I wouldn't have as much time to be with you. I don't want you to feel neglected or... or..."