Stay | Eminem

Chapter 7

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God damn it.

I grabbed my bag from the table and without the hestetion, I left the library. I quickly locked the door and headed towards my car.

I'm going to quit. I swear to God. I can't go over this boringness once again. This is hell. Fucking hell.

I'll find a job somewhere else. I can do it. It's not that hard, isn't it?

Who cares for money when you need to sit for seven long hours at the same spot and pretend to be lighthearted and cheerful?

Half hours later I was back home. I took a quick shower, changed and placed myself in front of the TV screen. I didn't even bother to turn the TV on, I would be bored anyway. Bored and empty. That's how I felt since that night. There's girly side of mine talking. It's not like something actually happened between us, but I'm a female, I'm absolutely allowed to overanalyze situations which shouldn't be analyzed at all.

What worries me is that I feel strangely moody and disappointed with every thought of him. I know I'm stupid for expecting anything, I guess I'm just completely forgetting the fact that he's not just a regular guy I met on the party. He's something else. Million bucks worth human being with world wide influence. And I'm just me. Average and regular girl with shitty job and bitchy attitude. Unfortunately, it's reality and I have no time to create fallacy for myself.

Besides, I don't even know why I'm acting so strange. It's not like I lost anything.

You can't lose something you never had.

Right?

Snap out of it Sarah!

Ugh, why he couldn't just stay a dick all the time? I much more prefer him like that.

The thing is, dude never did anything to impress me and immature as I am, to me, that was a major turn on. I always loved fighting for a guy. Not that I was a big ass fighter though, it's just that I love the feeling you get every time when you succeed in something. That unconditional joy you get when you realize that all your effort had payed back.

Here I go again fooling myself. I can't fight for him without getting a chance. It's not like I care that much to actually stand up for him. I was just... Let's say attracted by his bad boy persona. Nothing more developed there and nothing will. I'm not letting him get into my head when he already left. Pitiful, I know.

Honestly, I'm not the type of girl that believes in love on the first sight. Many times, I was proved wrong. In high school, I was totally opposite person that I am now. I was younger and thirsty for experience. I would fall in love easily and get over a boy even easier. It was like that for a long time though until the collage arrived. Meeting Rick was my biggest luck and my biggest mistake. He was 5 years older than me. He helped me to grow up. Mentally and physically. He helped me to see things clearer and better. He showed me life. The tough and happy side of it. He showed me the world in all the different ways and shades. I will be forever thankful to him for that. For encouraging me and making me do many things that even my dad wasn't able to made me do. I trusted him so much. If he would tell me, without hestation, I would've jump over the bridge. Why? Because I thought he would never harm me.

Why is everything ending up with huge disappointment and faliure?

At least, that one is easy. Nobody never said that life's chapters are easy to swallow. Disappointments and betrayals are just tiny parts of them.

I yawned and rubbed my tired eyes. I felt too much tired for only 9 pm. I dressed myself into Shawn's old oversized t-shirt and tucked into bed. As soon as my heavy head touched the soft pillow, I immediately dozed off.