Kaminari Denki Oneshots (Mostly Angst)

I Love You, I'm Sorry (Traitor Kaminari)

Shinkami angst :'(

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"When I'm gone, are you going to remember me?" Denki whispers. He doesn't mean to say it out loud. But it's the only thing that's been on his mind ever since he got the orders from the league.

Denki stares at the ceiling, shame and regret already flocking his mind. Because he already knows the answer. He knows Hitoshi too well. And he knows that actually hearing him say it is going to make leaving so much harder than it already is.

He hopes Hitoshi isn't able to hear the quiver in his voice, or the guilt that hides in his throat - scratching and clawing, begging to confess that god he's sorry for everything.

Hitoshi turns his head and Denki's chest twists. He can feel his eyes staring at him, questioning him.

"What do you mean? I thought you said you were immortal until proven otherwise."

Denki closes his eyes. God, he wishes he were talking about death.

A tear falls onto Denki's face. Damn it. He doesn't want to go. He doesn't want to leave. No, he doesn't want to leave him.

Somewhere, somehow, he messed things up. He became foolish and selfish. He got attached and dragged Hitoshi into his godforsaken mess. Something that Denki became so fucking careless about. And something that Hitoshi never deserved.

Damn it. He wishes things weren't happening so soon. He wishes that the league would change plans last minute and tell him that they need him there longer. Or that by some miracle they don't need him at all. And god he wishes more than anything that he could stay with Hitoshi. He wishes he could kiss him and tell him how much he loves him. He wishes he could forever stay in his warm arms and stare into his violet eyes - forget about his worries and make everything disappear.

Wishing
Wishing
Wishing

It's pointless. Because he can't. He knows he can't. It's too late to hope for the impossible. And being here with Hitoshi only reminds him of how reckless he was to fall for him in the first place because leaving wasn't supposed to hurt this much. "Hitoshi..."

"Of course I will, Denks." No, god he wishes he won't. He wants Hitoshi to forget about him, forget about all the times they've spent together. All the times they spent in each other's rooms, whispering secrets and the next day passing stolen glances at each other like they're middle schoolers. God it fucking hurts. It hurts to know that all that Denki has done is lie - make a facade of someone good and betray someone who is actually worthy. Hitoshi doesn't deserve this. He doesn't deserve any of this. Not any of Denki's lies. Not any of the things he's done. Not anything. He doesn't deserve to live with the pain that Denki has caused. "What's up with the weird question anyway?"

Denki doesnt answer. He can't. If he did, then the mask that he's hiding behind, all cracked and shattered, will break, smashing into a million pieces and only leaving Denki - only the truth - exposed.

"Hitoshi?" He says instead. He wishes he knew how to apologize. Because then maybe he could say that he's sorry for all the lies and secrets. All the things Hitoshi has to go through because of him.

Hitoshi hums.

"I love you."
He's sorry.

"God, I love you so fucking much."
He's sorry for everything. For betraying him. For fooling him into trusting him. For leaving him. For getting attached. For falling in love with him. For failing to protect him from Denki's messed up existence.

"I love you too, Denki."
He wishes he doesn't. He wishes that those words didn't come out so genuinely. Because maybe then he could pretend that he didn't actually mean them. Or pretend that Hitoshi would hate him after tomorrow, and eventually forget about him.

Because Denki deserves that. And Hitoshi deserves to not have to deal with pain caused by him.

Hitoshi deserves love. He deserves truth. Something that Denki can never give.

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Short and a bit choppy, but oh well. I hope you enjoyed it! Don't forget to drink water!

With much love <3
~Author