Kaminari Denki Oneshots (Mostly Angst)

Late Nights, Timely Memories

TW: discussion of childhood trauma

///

"When I was little, my mom always made me do my homework at the kitchen table. But I always hated it so much because she was constantly looming over me and nagging me to stay focused." Denki half-heartedly laughs at the memories. God did he hate it. She would always smack the back of his head whenever he got an answer wrong, or get mad at him when she didn't understand his homework as if he were the one who wrote the questions.

"Oh?" Hitoshi chuckles, making Denki's heart flutter. Denki looks at him. His soft smile makes his chest warm and he can feel his heartbeat in his stomach. Hitoshi's eyes wrinkle, their deep violet color mesmerizing, and Denki wishes he could stare into them forever.

"Why exactly are you telling me this?" Hitoshi questions, shifting his head to the side to finally look at Denki. His half-lidded eyes look so attractive in the moonlight. It's not fair. Damn him for being so beautiful.

Denki opens his mouth, then closes it. To be honest, he doesn't even really know why himself. Telling someone this - something so dumb from his childhood.

Denki stares at the ceiling. It's foolish. The way his hands are clammy all of a sudden as they rest on his stomach, his body lazily laying on Hitoshi's bed after another failed attempt at studying. Tiredness seeps in through his body, yet anxiety pangs his chest.

Denki focuses on the ceiling and tries to regulate his breathing - his thoughts. But his breath is still heavy, and he still has no idea why he's talking about ridiculous childhood memories that he hasn't thought about in years. Something that he had honestly forgotten about. He doesn't know why he's suddenly remembering them now, and why it's the only thing that's been on his mind for the past week.

Maybe it has something to do with how his mother is now doing this thing that she calls "going on strike" that sparked him to remember. The nauseating feeling when she locks herself in her bedroom and ignores everyone for days on end, acting like they don't exist. It's the same kind of feeling he felt when he was a kid.

"My parents always used to fight. I mean, they still do, like, a lot, but when I was younger I was always right there when they did." Denki puffs out a laughs, "god, you know, it's kinda funny if you think about it. Like, I would be at the table trying to solve a stupid math problem while they were screaming at each other in the kitchen."
He can feel Hitoshi's gaze on him. His eyes observing him. Denki closes his own. He doesn't know what he's doing. His mom has been pulling shit like this for years. He's used to it. Why is he now all of sudden being so vulnerable?

"I always hated it. The yelling. The fighting. But I was too scared to say anything about it. And it's not really like I could talk to them about it either, you know?" It's loud. They're always so damn loud when they fight.

God, he hates it. They always seem like they're in their own little world, not caring about who's around or anything like that, only caring about themselves. Only caring about making the other look like the villain.

"In the middle of it, the fighting I mean, my mom would go outside, slamming the door behind her, and just start walking in the opposite direction of the house."

Denki takes a long breath, "If I asked her where she was going she would only ignore me. And if I asked my dad then he would say that she was just 'going on a walk'." Denki's breath goes uneven and more tears start to rasp at the back of his throat. "She wouldn't be back for days. And it was always so terrifying. She would never tell anyone where she was going. And she would ignore everyone that tried to reach her."

"Denki-"

"You know what the worst part was? When she did come back, she would act like everything was normal. Everyone would act like everything was normal. Like nothing happened."

"Denks, I'm-"

"God she did it so often too. And little me was too dumb to understand that she always came back, so I was always so terrified that it was the last time I would see her. And I always felt so guilty about it too, you know? Because every single time they had arguments it would lead to her saying how 'everyone hates her and treats her like shit' and how 'nobody cares for her or wants her around'. And then she would leave, and it would be the last time anybody would see her for however long."

Denki cries, regret already consuming him because god this is so dumb. Hitoshi doesn't deserve to have to deal with Denki's shit.

"Fuck, I'm sorry," he tries to make the tears stop, but his eyes only water more, "I-I didn't mean to... Shit, I just..." He trails off.

"I'm so sorry man, I didn't... I mean," Denki stands up and blows out a laugh. He hates this. He doesn't know why he said all that. Let alone why he's getting so fucking emotional. God, how embarrassing is this?

"No, no Denki it's oka-"

"I think, I think I'm just gonna go," Denki whispers, cutting him off as he wipes the tears and snot from his face.

He goes to leave, but Hitoshi grabs his hand, "Denki, please look at me."

Denki doesn't want to. He wants to leave. To hide. To pretend like this never happened and hope that maybe Hitoshi will think that it's just a weird dream because Denki wasn't his usual happy-go-lucky self.

He hates this. He hates how he opened up about his family. How he shared something so stupid that isn't even worth crying over. How he shared it with someone that he doesn't want to lose.

Denki tries so fucking hard to stop crying. But the tears only fall harder, making him feel worse. He feels so vulnerable, so exposed. As if someone has stripped him from all his clothing, leaving him standing in the middle of a room with everyone staring at him, judging him.

But as Hitoshi holds his hand, all he can feel is warmth and security. Denki turns around and is met with a hug as his fingers run through Denki's hair, making him sob more. "I'm sorry..." He tries to say. But he's cut off by Hitoshi.

"It's okay," he says, "it's okay."

///

Is the ending rushed? Yes. But we don't talk about that. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed it! Don't forget to drink water!

With much love <3
~Author