The Girl on the Sidelines || TAENNIE

[ 𝘅𝘅𝘃𝗶𝗶𝗶 ] 𝘁𝘄𝗲𝗻𝘁𝘆 𝗲𝗶𝗴𝗵𝘁

What...what is he doing?

"H-Hey, what are you doing? Let go of me," I told him, pushing his hands away from his hold on my waist, but he wouldn't budge, his grip got tighter.

"You can lie to me and others, but don't lie to yourself. Don't dig it deep inside you," he mumbled, pulling me near him more.

My lips trembled as tears fell across my cheeks without any warning. I buried my face into Taehyung's shoulder and he didn't say a word. He just brushed my hair in a repetitive calming manner.

The burden, it's too much. I just want to fix them, I want my old past back. I want my parents back!

I want the time when we were complete. Those times when I don't know the truth of the life that I have. I don't want to have burdens and aches that I have in this thing that the called heart.

I hate the fact that I knew the truth when it's too late. I hate the fact that I'm being a fool to hope on something stupid!

But how can I not? I love them...I do, that's why my heart breaks whenever I see dad doing something that he doesn't do before or when I accidentally saw mom in the mall with her new family.

I even have to take care of my siblings, I barely have time to think of my emotions. Too many on my plate, I forgot myself.

The thing is, I don't have siblings. They all died when my mother gave birth to them.

Sad isn't it?

I can't tell him that, if I do, my siblings aren't the only ones up there.

That's why I have to pretend as if they are there. I have to pretend more.

My hands grabbed a fist of his shirt, clinging on tightly when my legs turned to jelly. My vision went blurred when I pulled away, staring at his eyes.

"Why?" raising my hand to caress his cheeks gently.

He furrowed his brows, confused. "What do you mean why?"

"Why do you care about me?" I asked him, lowering my head as my hand left his face and taking a step back.

Why does he care?

He's a stranger. I shouldn't have cried and held on to him like that. I've become vulnerable, I felt naked, bare.

"I care because we need you," I scoffed at his reply, rubbing my wet eyes.

How stupid of me to unconsciously hope for something so obvious?

I knew it, it's just for the band, not my well-being. Of course, no one would be concerned about me.

Who would be concerned about the freak geek?

"I knew it, you're just using me like how everyone does," I laughed sarcastically, crossing my arms across my chest.

"Using you? You got the wrong idea," Taehyung shake his head, taking a step closer, but I instinctively took a step back, my walls up.

"Don't lie to me," I mocked his words earlier. Gritting my teeth, I wanna run away. I don't need this bullshit anymore.

I'll avoid him next time, I won't be in the manager position. I'll just go back on being the same before this whole drama happened.

I'll go back to the sidelines.

I will never let myself be wrecked by the likes of users. It's better to scare them away.

Being used hurts.

"Go away," I turned my back and walked away, rubbing my arms when the wind went colder as the sun started to set.

The street lamps turned on, lighting the empty parking lot.

"They need you because they care about you, Jennie. They are not like your father!" Taehyung shouted. I ignored him and continued walking.

"Won't you think of your friends? What about Chaeyoung? Lalisa? Bangtan? They all care about you, Jennie. You won't face it alone since you have us!" he shouted, but much louder.

Pathetic.

"They won't know, it's better that way," I calmly replied, my eyes tired from crying earlier.

Why can't he leave me alone?

Sighing, I continued walking away, ignoring his shouts, and hurriedly walked home, meeting the devil himself.

I won't explain what happen from now onwards. It's for me to hide and that's my decision.

No one should know, I can fight alone. I don't need help, my trust towards others is pitiful.

I don't want to get betrayed again, getting stabs all over multiple times. It hurts, why risk it more?

In life, there are things that we put a front on like in the theater. Bright smiles when facing the audience, not noticing the frown behind the mask that the performers are wearing. The frown that grew tired of the same pain of their body from performing all over again.

Performing a front, that's what I'm good at.

And the title of my life's show is the freaky clown.

Hoping and believing are useless to people who lost the motivation to find meaning.

Those little moments that I've mentioned earlier crafted the bigger picture, little darts that pierce every time.

What's the use of hope when everything is hopeless?

What's there to fix when there's nothing left?

━━━━━ 𝗮 𝘂 𝘁 𝗵 𝗼 𝗿 ' 𝘀 𝗻 𝗼 𝘁 𝗲 ━━━━━━

Stay strong to those who are fighting their own battles. I believe in you and do what you think is right. The path is yours to take and learn from, the path of growth.

Here's a double update from me. Love you all <33

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Planet_A