MAGNETIC [H.S.]

34. idc about anything but u

Those Sundays gave me time to get closer to G too, which I really needed after losing Kenna and Rose. Kenna hadn't called at all since I told her about Lou. Georgia was fun though, she wanted to have fun. She made us tequila sunrises or mimosas and she'd sit and talk to me for hours in the kitchen, sometimes in chairs and sometimes just on the kitchen floor, waiting for the chilies to char. She had great taste in music. After the first few times we visited we quickly found ourselves dancing together while we drank in the dining room. She was funny in a kind of dry way, she made me laugh so hard. She was extremely gullible, but a good sport about it when we made fun of her for believing some bullshit story Ni would tell. She was head over heels for Niall, and he absolutely adored her. She was even a good sport when she found out about the threesomes, which I wasn't exactly expecting.

I liked watching them together, it made me feel so warm inside to watch someone love Niall the way that he deserved. He waited so long for it, and it suited him so well. I wanted to see Zayn in love next, but he was so damn busy with work that he was never going to have time to date someone if he didn't slow down. He spent most of September back in Vegas but occasionally came home to us for a quick weekend. I guess he had some business in Florida too, he was there for a week towards the end of the month. I missed him, but he assured me that he'd be back in the city for October.

September passed much like that last weekend in August. Our heated confession became one of those nights we don't talk about. There were a few moments where we'd sit in silence and both of us would open our mouths to speak and then immediately close them again. Those were really the only times that we got awkward about it, and even then we'd usually smirk it off and make out or something. Eventually, we even started poking fun at each other with that pesky little word, like a competition to see who would say it again first.

I loved September almost as much as I loved Harry. The perfect blend of summer and fall where the days are still long but the temperatures cool down at night. The air gets a little bit crisper and it smells fresh again.

Every single weekend, without fail, we spent our Friday or Saturday night in Brooklyn. We'd go over in the afternoon usually, see Liam and Cora. Sometimes that sexy stepbrother of hers would be there, Axel. I liked when he was there because it meant that Harry was extra jealous and devious. Plus, Axel was a joy to look at.

We'd walk their dog Richard through the shops and eat at Liam's favorite pizza place every time because he got so excited about it. Harry and I bickered over toppings every time, and then we'd order separate pizzas. I liked Williamsburg, it was a comforting place. Cora had a bookstore that she really liked so I'd tag along with her and browse around the titles. I hadn't read in quite a while but some of these looked quite steamy. I stood there and let my mind drift to a fantasy of Harry reading me a sexy story in that delicious voice. In my daydream, we would reenact the naughtiest scenes from the stories. I typically left that bookstore quite flustered.

My favorite part of our weekends in Brooklyn was the Smorgasburg. There were so many vendors, we tried a new one every time. Sometimes we'd try three or four vendors in a night, just sharing things so we could taste more of what they had to offer. Those September nights will stick with me forever, Harry and I would walk and tease each other over the things we'd really like. Harry was eating some kind of vegetarian dumplings and he wouldn't shut up about how obsessed with them he was, so I smiled real wide and said "Oh yeah, do you love them? Would it be fair to say you love those dumplings, dimples?"

I thought he was going to choke. He started coughing so badly that I got genuinely concerned for a moment, but I was laughing too hard to be of any help to him. By the time he finally swallowed and I could breathe without wheezing, he was pulling me to his mouth by the back of my head. "You're such a shit." He mumbled against my lips as he kissed me through a smile. I laughed against his lips and then leaned into his shoulder as his arm came around me. We walked around for the rest of the night with my hand tucked into the back pocket of his jeans and his fingertips playing with the ends of my hair.

That became our own little jab at each other. We were walking through the flea market one Saturday and we'd drifted from Cora and Liam so it was just the two of us walking around in the sunshine, popping into booths that looked promising. We came across a set of glassware that I really liked, it was a set of vases and two cool-looking bowls in this shiny, dark black glass. "Oh my god, these are so cool. This would look amazing in my kitchen, right? With flowers in them!? I could use this bowl for keys or something..." I rambled on and on for several minutes before Harry just picked them up and wrapped them and then shoved them in the tote bag he was carrying. " Harry! Hello? I have to pay for those!"

"Already did that while you were blabbing away over here." He was extra careful in placing them, he put his produce in between them to help keep them extra safe.

"Aw, you didn't have to do that. Thank you!" I kissed his cheek and flicked a stray hair off his forehead.

"Oh, but I did have to." He said with a slow-spreading smile.

"And why is that?" I was hesitant to ask because he looked too mischievous to be up to anything good.

"Because you loooove them." He was behind me, his sexy mouth pressed to my ear and his hands on my hips, swaying them along with the word love as it snaked out of his mouth.

I was so in love, it was sick.

The weekdays were a little bit slower, the summer rush was dwindling and the holiday panic hadn't set in yet, so it was mostly my regular clients. My favorites, who'd become a staple part of my life. I kind of thought of them as friends, I would check in with them about their work and their lives while they arrived and then leave them to their space. That worked for me, a friendship of convenience because I didn't have to give up any of my time with Harry to be with them.

I wanted to spend all my time with Harry. I wanted to spend every second that I could with him, making up for all the time we lost to stubbornness. It still didn't quite feel real, like we'd been fighting it for so long that I couldn't let it be perfect. It still felt like he was keeping a part of himself from me, so I convinced myself that if I gave him absolutely every part of me, he would feel safe enough to do the same. I didn't want to force him into vulnerability, so I settled for trying to manipulate him into it. There was a very real fear that now that he had me, he wouldn't want me anymore. I needed him to want me.

There were brief flashes where I would get hit with this reminder that I wasn't always this way. That I chose to leave. That I chose myself over anyone else. Sometimes, I looked in the mirror at the girl wearing his underwear and her favorite t-shirt and I would feel like I was letting myself down. I barely recognized that strong-headed young woman that put herself first.

But wasn't I still putting myself first? Isn't that what Rose had been trying to say to me, that I was still selfish and stubborn and only cared about things that served my own self-interest?

As I stood there overthinking, my palms started to sweat and my mouth would go dry. I hadn't really changed at all. I wanted a life free of the slimy, dirty hands of my parents and their dealings, and I got that. Then, I wanted to be wanted. I wanted to be desired by the man who always made me feel like I wasn't good enough, and I got that. I wanted to be forgiven for hurting the people I abandoned, and I was. I wanted to be loved, and then I was. I stood in front of that mirror and manipulated my own mindset, changing my thoughts from a critical viewpoint to one of admiration. I got everything I wanted, and it only cost me what, two friends? I could live with that.

Right?

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