Yooji: Love is War [Winrina]

20: It's Not

               I was having trouble falling asleep.

               Winter’s words wouldn’t stop replaying themselves on my mind like a broken record as if to remind me over and over again of how insensitive I was to ask her that question.

               The silent treatment that she gave me when she drove me home didn’t help either. It suffocated me that I had to take in a long, deep breath as soon as I got off her car. The distance from her place to mine wasn’t that far, but it felt as if I traveled from north to south because of how tense the atmosphere was.

               I would assume she was mad at me. After all, I did kind of judge her in a way. I’d be mad too if I was in her shoes. However, she didn’t forget to say I love you with a faint smile on her lips like she usually does before we parted ways. That had me confused and I wasn’t brave enough to message her and clear things up.

               But what if she was really mad?

               What do I do?

               Do I apologize?

               Or should I pretend that nothing happened?

               I rolled over my bed.

               No.

               I don’t think I should do that.

               “It hurts too much to be anything else.”

               That was the first time I heard her admit that her feelings for me were hurting her. I mean, I was sort of aware of it. I wasn’t that dumb. It’s just that she had never shown me any obvious signs that she was, in fact, in pain.

               I remember quite well how she would always just smile whenever I would fail to filter my words and say something awful to her. That was probably the reason why I never thought too much about it.

               Minjeong...

               What did I ever do for her to fall in love with me?

               Had I ever treated her well?

               I couldn’t recall any instances that I did.              

               Ah, for crying out loud.

               No point in mulling over that for now.

               I glanced over the clock on my bedside table. It was almost one o’clock in the morning. There were seven remaining hours before my first class and I needed to wake up by five to prepare. For sure, I would be going to school looking like a fusion of a zombie and a panda.

               I closed my eyes and hugged my pillow close to my body. These questions wouldn’t answer themselves. Later in the morning, I would talk to her.

               It was still dark outside by the time I woke up. My eyes felt heavy and the bags under them probably got darker. I wanted to sleep again, but I might oversleep and miss my class if I did.

               I dragged myself out of the bed and proceeded to head out of my room. The smell of bacon and fried rice invaded my nose as I neared the kitchen. Our cook was probably in the middle of preparing our breakfast.

               The moment I arrived, I saw one of our maids placing down two sets of utensils and two plates on the table and someone I wasn’t expecting to see seated at one end of the table.