Back to You

The One That Got Away

I was a terrible human being. Why Faith? Why?!

Out of all the things that could happen in this moment of my life, this was the cherry on top of the cake. Not a regular cake too. A wedding cake. Who's wedding cake? Not mine. God, if only it could've been mine. I wouldn't feel this awful if it was. I didn't know what to do.

My best friend was getting married today to his forever, his better half, his pride and joy. Although, I wanted to change all of those feelings in an instant because of one unbearable reason.

I was hopelessly in love with him.

Being his best woman to the whole event, I'd been perfectly fine with it all. I even showed my love and support throughout. I was their #1 fan. 

But what happened last night between us was something I didn't ever expect it to be. I couldn't stop myself. Couldn't stop him. More importantly, I couldn't stop what we did in a dark room when no one was around. 

Erratic untapped feelings we apparently harbored through our ten years of friendship along with 4 scandalous cream walls if they could talk. It all ensued so fast. It was like the universe was giving me a sign to take an opportunity and run with it. So I did. But I didn't mean for it to go down like that or go as far as it did.

I was always viewed as a well-mannered and meek person who thought I could be careful or never find myself in predicaments when it came to this type of stuff. A person who was currently stuck here laying on a wonderfully comfy silk cotton sheets bed in pajamas, refusing to get up. 

I was still unsure what to write down on some blank index cards for my big best woman speech, so I simply kept staring at the ceiling in the five-star over the top bougie hotel where the wedding was set to take place in exactly an hour.

Could I say that I was drunk? I couldn't do that either. I wasn't. Neither was he.

Yet, I did feel the sense of my head pounding like a hammer to nails from the clock ticking from the wall. It was getting louder and louder, making me feel icky even further—if that was even possible.

"Faith! Faith?! Where are you?!" I could hear my other best friend since high school, Jasmine calling out to me in the suite's living room approaching the French double doors to the bedroom.

"In here!" I shouted distressed for speaking at all.

I didn't have any more emotions left in me. I'd been crying in a deep pit of sorrow for a majority of my slumber, so my voice was still a little cracky.

Entering and dressed in her bridesmaid attire I particularly truly detested from the moment I laid eyes on it, my eyes finally peered away to see the brunette-haired Latina holding up mine—completely unaware of the straining situation that was overcoming my body.

"Hon! Why are you still in bed?! Ryder and Angela are getting married in fifty seven minutes. Are you done writing your reception speech yet? The bride has highly requested for you to go first after her Mom." She explained, gathering the things I'd need around the room for the day.

I couldn't tell her about what happened either. I typically trusted her with pretty much anything since we've known each other for so long—but for this, I didn't fully understand it myself.

Thinking about it just made my blood boil at jotting down even a punctuation mark.

"Done, Jaz? I'm still at a loss on what my first word will even be. Now, I've been pondering over a bunch of stuff and I don't think I'll be able to do this after all. I barely know anything about the bride, let alone know what to write to her." I was trying to talk myself out of the task, sitting up and sighed.