Lost - Clexa (#Wattys2016)

Chapter 1

AN: I was devastated after watching the latest "the 100" episode. However, I think that there must be more to what Lexa was feeling and I've elaborated her feelings here, and taken the story a bit further.

LOST- CHAPTER 1

The grounders were ready to attack upon Clarke's orders when the voice of their commander stopped them.

"Stand down! Retreat."

Lexa watched the confusion on Clarke's face; a questioning look followed it. A question for her.

"I did what I had to for my people, Clarke." Lexa answered.

Immediately the questioning look was replaced by a look of understanding, but that lasted only for a very brief moment. If Lexa weren't so good at observing Clarke, she might have missed it. But the understanding look was soon, very soon, replaced by the look of betrayal. Clarke's eyes were still wide in disbelief. It killed Lexa to see how much faith that girl had in her, and knew how it would be all lost after these few moments, when Clarke would fully understand the matter.

"You made a deal."She said gritting her teeth, finally coming to the inevitable conclusion as she watched the grounder prisoners coming out of the door.

Anger was now taking over her; her eyes hardening, losing all the warmth they had held for Lexa. Lexa watched Clarke closely as she was doing what Lexa had done many times - in fact had spent nearly her entire life doing - putting on a mask. Clarke put on a mask of indifference to show that what Lexa did only affected her politically, but Lexa was the one who had invented the mask game and therefore knew everything about it. Beside, this was her Clarke. No, she no longer had the right to call her that. It was clear that she could never be hers now. But that did not change the fact that Clarke was the only one, after Costia, whom Lexa's heart, mind, body and soul craved. Maybe it could even have been more than what she had with Costia, if they had given the relationship a chance; Clarke challenged her like no other. She made a part of Lexa come out not even Lexa knew existed. Clarke completed her in ways no one ever had. And yet she could never have her. She was a leader of thousands and could not place her priority before those who depended on her and thus, willing herself to stay strong, she looked into Clarke's blue, cold eyes and whispered,

"May we meet again."

As Lexa marched with her army, back to their camp, she noticed Indra walking alone, without the shadow that usually followed her. "Her brother is more important to her than anyone else," echoed in Lexa's mind. Of course Clarke knew all of her friends well. They all put their feelings before anything else. She knew Clarke thought the same of Lexa, despite knowing her ways, that Lexa would have done the same thing- put her heart before her head. She wanted to and knew that if she had stayed and fought alongside the sky people, they would have won but then, she would have lost her people in the process. She cared about each and every life when it came down to her people. However, she was not scared to sacrifice some, if needed, to save many. But in this case, there was no need for lives to be sacrificed when the safety of her people could be so easily guaranteed.

The ones who didn't know Lexa well and only knew her as their commander thought that it had been an easy decision for her; but it wasn't. It had cost her her heart. It was bleeding, but she was the one who had destroyed its remedy, finished off the healer who could have healed it.

That night, a grand celebration was held at the camp. Lexa, being the commander, was supposed to be present, enjoy it and rejoice. But she watched the celebration with a heavy heart. She hated feeling this way, feeling weak. Angry, she made her way back to her tent and took out her sword. She practiced on a dummy made of wood till it was turned into shreds. She swung her sword till exhaustion overtook her and she entered the realm of unconsciousness.