Waiting for Never - Post Malone

Satisfaction

While Marli is busy running the bath, Austin disappears and then comes back into the bathroom just as the bath has filled and Marli is busy climbing in, he undresses and follows suit. The bath is lovely and warm so Marli leans back onto Austin's chest while he wraps his arms around her. She is not going to force him to talk to her, he will do so in his own time.  After a few minutes Austin opens his mouth and starts talking, his speech is soft and vulnerability is laced through every word.

"I was at this party in the Hills. I don't know whose party it was or how I got there all I know was that I had a bottle of tequila, in one hand, a faceless woman in the other, and a pocket full of pills. I had also done so much coke that night I couldn't get my nose to stop bleeding. At some point that night a girl started screaming so I walked over to her, she had her back to me but a guy was lying there...blue and lifeless. It was clear that he had overdosed on something. He was dead. The girl was crying over him asking people to call 911. When she turned her head in my direction...it was you, at least it was your face I saw. The fear and pain mangled in her beautiful features were too much so I left the party as the ambulance arrived. I booked myself into rehab, but only lasted a week. I went on another bender trying to get your face out of my head but the more I drank the more I saw you. In my drunken stupor one night I phoned Jonas. He told me that he could not be around me, but that he loved me. He also told me he had met a girl and she was pregnant with his kid. He was happy. I just got to thinking. I wanted that…a family, a real one. I wanted that with you. I didn't want to be alone anymore. So I came here, I came home. But you were not here and the feeling of home and family did not resonate within these walls anymore. I could not stand being in this house so I went to New York, to the house there. I thought it would make it easier being in the same city as you. It did not. I only felt worse. Then one day Jonas just pitched up, I didn't even know he had the address. But I was so fucking broken that I just…I  just booked back into rehab and now I am here. With you. I feel like I won."

Marli turns around so she is now facing Austin and wipes the tears from her eyes and then from Austin's. She rests her head on his chest while he runs his fingers lazily up and down her spine, they are silent, both trying to let the moment and information shared settle. Both have guilt and for different reasons, information shared like this needs time to sink in and then evaporate. The water is cold by the time Marli detaches herself from Austin. "Bedtime," she says. She tries to keep her voice soft so as not to break the comforting silence too much. They shuffle off to the room after drying themselves, Marli notices Austin's guitar resting on the end of the bed and turns to him with a questioning look. His smile is sheepish as he goes to pick it up.  "I wrote another song. I was sober and was finally man enough to stop lying to myself," he gestures for her to sit down on the bed. "It's hard to look back. To put into words who I was. What I did…to you...to me. I struggled and my therapists suggested I communicate in a way that works for me. Through song. I wrote this one. It's not released yet, I feel pretty exposed through it. It's about you…and me…about you and me. I wanted you to hear it first," he explains.

Marli feels like her chest is going to explode, she bites her lip and nods for Austin to go ahead. He looks at her for a beat. "Have you heard my song...the one I wrote just after you left me?" he asks. She nods, she knows exactly which song he is talking about. It made her cry and convinced her that Austin hated her. "It's about you, about you leaving. I wrote it when I was drunk and high. Like I did when I wrote that song about Jonas. Both songs are lies. This was the song I should have written." He then brings the guitar up to his lap and starts strumming the first cords and mumbling to himself, "I've been looking for some-" he is lost in the song already, and when he starts. Marli battles to catch her breath while he is singing. She knows exactly what he is referencing. She remembers the night and her words, she remembers his words too. She has had nightmares about it. The anger and callousness in his eyes are burned into her brain. He had lost Jonas that night and himself too. But his song, this song seems to wash some of the nasty away. It's a vulnerable song. How does she acknowledge this? She is not sure so when he finishes and is looking at her a little unsure she leans forward and kisses him, whispering against his lips, "I think you are the bravest man in the world Austin Post." Austin shivers at her words. The room is too intense, she needs to break the intensity a bit so she licks the tip of his nose. "Go put your string box thing away and let's sleep," she says. Austin is already pulling away looking at her in disgust wiping his nose and then biting back his smile.

While he is in the music room putting his guitar away Marli gets all the dogs into the bed and then climbs in herself. "Oh, not this shit again. Are you serious, lil mama?" he complains when he walks back into the room. Marli opens the covers for him to climb in. "Stop your bitching, there is space for everyone in this family," she says. Austin climbs in grumbling about spoiled dogs and a woman who is a pain in his ass. Once settled and the quiet starts seeping in on them Marli says quietly, "I love you." Austin pulls her in closer and kisses her before they both fall asleep.