Book Reviews

Finally Falling [Luke Hemmings Fan-Fic]

~Basic Information~
-Title: Finally Falling [ Luke Hemmings Fan-Fic]
-Genre: Fan-Fiction, Romance
-Author: rvmjrm26 {Aarushi}
-Chapters read: Authors note & Ch. 1- Ch. 3 { 4 Ch. Total}
-Total reads: 564 reads, as of April 3rd, 2015

~ Book Review ~
-Title:
I found the beginning portion of the title "Finally Falling" a good medium. There are many ways you can go about choosing a title, you can go with the most basic, and mainstream title, by including "bad boy" in it ( for some books it works, so don't think I'm bashing everyone with that title, all I'm saying is that, it is extremely overused, in my opinion), or you can go for something unique and original to your story, something that no one will understand, unless they've read your story ( those are my faves), and then there are titles like "Finally Falling", is it original? No.
Is it mainstream and basic? No, it's right in the middle, and although it may be hard to tell whether that title is fitting to your book, and what you're planning on doing with it, I think it's a pretty safe way to go.
The only thing that I'm not much of a fan of, is the second portion of your title "[ Luke Hemmings Fan-Fic]." Personally, I'm not much of a lover of Fan-Fics, and if it were under normal circumstances, that I was scrolling through my discover area of Wattpad, and saw a title with "Fan-Fic" in it, I wouldn't even read the prologue/ description/ synopsis, just because of the fact that it says "Fan-Fic" in the title.
I realize that not all fan fictions are stupid, and that I've probably made the mistake of skipping through a good book just because of that, but believe it or not, there are a lot of readers that do the same thing, I think that having Luke Hemmings on the cover, is enough to attract fans of 5 SOS, or Luke Hemmings, but I think you'd attract more readers of all different kinds simply by taking away the "Fan-Fic of Luke Hemmings" portion away.
That is what readers that don't like fan fictions, stay away from, and I feel that by taking that area away, you'll attract a greater audience, especially if you have an extremely eye catching description.

-Cover:
Personally, I like your cover for the most part, I think it's a good picture of Luke Hemmings, and I like the Text of the Title. I think my only complain, is that the resolution or quality of the picture, isn't the best, and it appears to be a little blurry, which takes away the look of professional quality.
Try looking for pictures with more pixels, you actually may be able to find the same picture, with better quality, other than that, I also really like the dramatic effect that a black and white story cover gives, so props to you for that(:
Btw, my sister LOVES making book covers, I'm sure she would love to make yours; if you're looking for someone to make a better one, her username is: were2young2bethissad
But it's completely up to you!

-Description: I didn't like your description, I think it's too short, and doesn't really reveal much about what the story is about. I like that you put a quote in it, and I could understand if you were waiting for the actual description once you put in the right quote that perfectly describes your story, so I'm not judging you for that; and I hope the right one comes eventually!

-Punctuation, Grammar, Structure:
Sometimes, there are better ways to make your sentence flow, don't be afraid to use things like conjunction, instead of writing two separate words, it makes it seem too formal.
Another thing concerning structure, have you ever noticed how in books, when there is dialogue, each line of dialogue for an individual person gets it's own small paragraph? That's how dialogue in your story, or any should be.
For example, instead of saying:
"His melodic laugh was music to my ears, once it subsided, he looked into my eyes, "You know, I've always wanted someone to look at me the way you do," he spoke as he caressed my skin sending a trail of fire behind it, "I can only hope that I look at you the same way." I smiled and leaned into his ear and whispered, "you do.""
You should seperate each person talking into their own paragraph; so it should look like this instead:
His melodic laugh was music to my ears, once it subsided, he looked into my eyes, "You know, I've always wanted someone to look at me the way you do," he spoke as he caressed my skin sending a trail of fire behind it, "I can only hope that I look at you the same way."
I smiled and leaned into his ear and whispered, "you do."
(By the way, this was not an excerpt in "Finally Falling" it was something I wrote as an example of the way dialogue should be structured.)
Other than that, I feel like there are some slight errors in spelling; but most of them were probably unintentional and just a product of trying to get your train of thought as quickly as you could into actual words, nothing really major, and I didn't see any mistakes that greatly distorted what you were trying to say.

~ Opinion: ~
I think this could be a really good story, but I also feel that there are a couple of things you could do to make major improvements. Firstly, is the structure thing I talked about earlier under the grammar, and structure section, another is the characters could be more developed.
I like 5 SOS, but I can't even list all of their names... Imagine my confusion when you were bring all these names into the story, and I had no idea who was who, once you feel like someone who has no idea who 5 SOS is, could read this story so far; and understand who is who, I think that's when it's a good idea to bring in other characters like the members of one direction.
You should develop each character more, and make unique attributes to each one that the character will be able to recall when they read that characters name, instead of throwing them all in there at once.
Another tip, is to go into more detail about the events happening, and develop the scenes and events more as well. Make it seem as realistic as can be possible; I think that the things that happened in your story happened waaaaaay too quickly, and that makes it seem a lot more unrealistic.
I think you know what you want to happen in your story, but instead of developing them to the best of your ability, you're trying to get all your ideas down in text.
You should let things take their time, give a little background story into what happens in the main characters life, give a little back story into all of the characters, that way things don't look like they're happening so quickly; in chapter one she meets like Hemmings, and by chapter 3 the members of the group are already asking her if she wants to go on a world tour with them. I don't know, I just think it all happened too fast, but that's just me.
I really hope you continue to be consistent in updating and further develop your story. Can I just say I'm so honored that you asked me to review your story; and I really hope that my constructive criticism has given you new ideas on ways that you can improve your story! Thank you so much, and don't let anyone tell you that you're not good enough, because I can see your ability through every word I saw. Keep your dreams alive.

~ Overall Rate: 7 ~
XOXO,
Grungecigar💭