The Purpose of My Life | SaTzu

Chapter 16

I kept thinking and thinking about it until i didn't notice my surroundings. I bumped into someone and immediately snapped out of my thoughts, looking at who i bumped into. Ah, speaking of the devil that has been on my mind.

"I saw you spacing out while walking back home and figured that you might hit onto the door." Tzuyu said with a small smile, showing her dimples a little.

"Ah, i didn't see where i'm walking. Thank you, Tzuyu-ah." I said, smiling back at her. She nodded her head with a smile of welcome.

"What's on your mind, anyways?" She asked as she stepped aside to let me enter the house. I stepped into the house and she closed the entrance door.

"I was just thinking about some stuff." I answered, not giving a detailed answer, while taking off my shoes and socks.

"And what kind of stuff are they?" She asked with a curious tone and that's when i started to panic and become anxious. There's no way i can tell her about this. It's about us, after all. And it's putting our friendship on the line, i don't want to lose my best and precious friend. How should i tell her?

The entire house became silent while my mind is in chaos, unable to keep my mind quiet. I felt a hand on my shoulder and i turned my head to look at the taller girl.

"Is it hard to tell me? Do you need time?" She asked with a gentle tone and smiled at me warmly. I gulped and nodded my head slowly.

"It's okay. Take your time to tell me. I'm always ready to listen." She said and i smiled at her thankfully. We went to our respective bedroom after that and i'm still thinking about us being a couple. It's getting easier to imagine but at the same time, it feels wrong and i don't know why.

I have to tell her so she won't be worried. Plus, i'm also curious about what she's going to say even though it's going to be risky since her answer might not be good news.

And so, it's time for our usual night talk and it's going to be in my bedroom for the night. We stayed quiet while sitting next to each other on my bed. My fingers kept fidgeting on the blanket, i'm feeling nervous. It's so hard to ask about us.

I took a deep breathe in, trying not to be nervous.

"Tzuyu-ah, what if, this is just a what if question, we become a couple, do you think we will work out and your purpose might be fulfilled?" I asked, trying to be calm. I hope my voice didn't shake or anything. I looked at her, she looks really surprised to hear that question. It reminds me of when Jeongyeon asked me that question and i got surprised too.

"Ah, but it's okay if you don't want to answer. It's just on my mind ever since this question was asked to me and it makes me wonder if we will work out." I said, not wanting to come off as forceful. I also don't want to make her feel uncomfortable with this question since we are just best friends but it's normal to talk about love with friends, right...?

"Oh, i was just thinking about it and i find it hard to imagine us dating one another, to be honest." She said honestly, her eyes showing that she's not lying. I feel my chest tightening in pain for an unknown reason. Why am i feeling like this?

"Ye-yeah, you're right. It's indeed hard to imagine us being lovey-dovey." I said and i could feel my voice wavering and breaking. Tzuyu looked at me with worry after noticing my tone. Oh no...This is bad...

"Le-let's call it a night. I'm fe-feeling sleepy." I said, stuttering. I don't know what i'm feeling anymore. I feel like i'm in pain. My chest hurts. My heart hurts. Everywhere hurts. I quickly lied down on my bed, covering the blanket and turning my body so that my back is facing the younger girl.

I heard her mumble something to herself but didn't hear it as the feeling is becoming harder for me to bear. She got off my bed and exited my room, closing the door silently. I let out a sigh and without knowing, my tears started coming out and flowing down my cheeks. Why...Why am i crying? I don't get it anymore. This feeling, what is it?

I grabbed my phone from the bedside table and with teary eyes and watery vision, i scrolled through my contact list and dialed someone.

"Sana? What happened? Why are you crying? Are you okay?" She picked up and immediately asked with worry the moment she heard my muffled sobs since i was trying not to be loud.

"I-i *sniff* don't know why i-i'm crying... *sniff* I-i..." It's hard for me to form a proper sentence and i feel like the words are getting stuck in my throat, making it harder for me to say them.

"Okay, i'm gonna come to your house right now." She said and i didn't say anything. The call wasn't over yet, we didn't hang up at all. I could hear sounds of movements, doors opening and the wind blowing over the phone. I left my phone on the pillow, beside my face, and pulled the blanket to my eyes. I ended up drenching the blanket with my tears.

I stayed like this, crying as silent as i can be, until i heard loud knocks on the entrance door. I didn't get up, knowing that Tzuyu will come out of the bedroom and we will definitely see each other. I don't want to let her see me like this, i'm sure that my face will give it away that i have been crying once she sees me.

I heard the entrance door being opened and it closed after a few seconds. Then, loud footsteps approaching my bedroom. I can even hear her voice from my bed, she sounds really worried. Within seconds, my room door burst open and i continued to stay under the blanket, not showing my face though my forehead is not covered by the blanket.

The room door closed quietly and her footsteps approached me, going around the bed and standing beside me, the side i'm lying on.

"What happened, Sana-ah?" Jeongyeon asked and it sounded like she's standing very close to me. I didn't say anything, knowing my voice will break and i might end up crying again.

The older girl poked the blanket softly, cautious to not hurt me through the blanket. It's quiet. The only sounds in the room are me sniffling and trying to stop crying. I heard her walked to the other side of my bed and climbed onto the bed. What is she doing?

"Aigoo!" She exclaimed as she hugged me like a bear. She didn't put the blanket over her so she's bear-hugging me through the blanket. I instantly knew what she's doing and feel thankful to have her as my best friend. We stayed like that, none of us saying anything, and before i know it, i have fallen asleep the moment i have finally stopped crying.

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