The Bubbles Weren't Fun Anymore

Trigger Warning: ED, SH, Suicidal Thoughts, Discussions of the previously listed topics, Self Deprication.

The clear water splashed around the bathtub surrounding his small body. The white walls of the tub were spotless. He rested his chin comfortably on his knees, and he hugged his bent legs closed to his chest. 

He stared as if he wasn’t registering anything that happened around him. Despite his blank expression, he seemed fixated on the bubble bath solution. He liked how it smelt, but he couldn’t use it without his Mother’s permission. Occasionally in the past he had tried to use it himself, but he loved it so much he always went overboard. 

He had never loved or done anything in his whole life and been able to enjoy it normally. It always went too far. 

Jiwoo glanced around the bathroom. 

The cream painted walls, and the marble sink. It looked very pretty, like the kind of bathroom they would model in interior design magazines. But he wouldn’t be able to use this bathroom for very long. Before long, they would have a new bathroom. And a new house. And a new school. 

The bath water was getting cold. The skin on his palms began to crease. 

He wanted to ask his Mom to use the bubble bath solution. If he did, she would come and pour it for him. That was the only thing stopping him from calling out for her. 

He didn’t like being seen without any clothes on. He didn’t like seeing himself without any clothes on. Beneath the bathwater, he wore black swimming trunks, designated for whenever he needed to shower or bathe. They were washed regularly, so it wasn’t unhygienic in any way. 

He leaned his head back against the edge of the tub, and looked up at the ceiling. 

Earlier, a teacher pointed out that he was getting thinner. 

At that memory, he smiled. 

“You’re losing weight, Jiwoo. Are you okay?” The teacher leaned his large body over the oakwood desk.

“I’m fine, Mr Kim. I’m trying out a new diet” Jiwoo responded, scarcely containing his excitement. 

“A new diet? Kids these days” Mr Kim rolled his eyes. Regardless of his judgement, Jiwoo was pleased he noticed. Really pleased. 

He’d started trying to lose weight recently. It started off as a small thing. 

Another kid made a tiny comment in class, saying he looked fat. Just bullying without any backing. 

But when Jiwoo got home and laid in bed, the comment lingered heavily on his mind. Jiwoo didn’t like any aspect of himself, he mostly resented his powers, but he truly felt like a monster. Like every part of him was a mistake. He was made up of a collection of mishaps. 

So this comment made him realise a new part of him. The way he looked. Even that was a mistake. He was ugly. 

He started eating less.

Every time he ate something, it felt like a mistake. 

So he stopped eating. 

But then he felt empty. 

So he would eat. Then get rid of it. 

This had been going on for a few months. But the fact he was eating now made it easier to hide. His Mom was bound to realise the weight loss, so it helped if she could see him eat. All he had to hide was the throwing up part.