UnCompromised

2 - Risa

She has a bad feeling about Ariana. Something doesn't resonate right about the girl. Connor seems to agree, though Risa worries his childhood nostalgia might override his judgment.

That's where she steps up.

"Alright, then prove it," she says. "Prove your value to the both of us, right here and right now. Take us to where we need to go, and maybe I'll trust you a bit more. How's that?"

Connor stares at her, baffled by her snarky attitude. She can't blame him, though, as much as she dislikes Ariana; her defensiveness startles her, even. Maybe that's what the both of them need in this moment: one or both of them being willing to challenge those around them and see if they truly seek to aid them, or if they have ulterior motives. Currently, Risa believes the latter is true for Ariana. Or has her overprotectiveness of Connor since his unwinding and rewinding obscured her judgment?

Ariana clears her throat. "Connor, you know the shortcut to my house better than I ever did. Lead the way, and I'll show you my 'worth,' as Ms. Ward requests."

None of them says a word through their short excursion. The unsettling silence is broken only by the crunch of leaves and twigs beneath their feet and the winter winds. Risa believes she's angered Connor, but part of her feels that he deserves it. After all, he got them kicked out of their one true safe house, whether he intended to or not. He made a big deal about seeing Ariana in the distance, only for her to become an irritating tag-along. Of course he's earned her obtrusive treatment!

But she knows that's a lie. He hasn't done anything wrong. She's the one ruining it for them. She urged Connor to talk with his parents, resulting in their banishment. She acted too defensively around Ariana and made him mad.

And she was the cause of Connor's unwinding, all because she did nothing to stop Divan.

No, I can't think about that right now. This is not the time for that crap. I'm not the victim, nor is any of this solely my fault.

The further they travel into the forest, the more that thought eats away at her conscience. Each step weighs her down, tears obstruct her vision, and her breath escapes in a flash. She tries suppressing her emotions. She's stronger than this. It's just a momentary feeling that will pass by as quickly as it came. All she has to do is keep moving forward and burying these feelings for another time.

"Should be there soon," Connor says. "If my memory's correct, that is. It's been off for awhile."

Sure enough, the trees thin out and reveal the backside of a house both he and Ariana recognize. Ariana takes the lead and quickly directs them out front. Two cars sit idle in the driveway. One of them is hers, but Risa can't tell which one it might be.

"Wait here, and I'll be right back," she instructs. "If it'll make you feel any more comfortable, hide behind one of the cars until I come back. Where did you need to go again?"

"Akron," Connor states. "There's someone important we're meeting there by Center-North High School. All you'll need to do is drop us off, and we can take care of the rest. It shouldn't take more than a couple hours to get there, provided that traffic is cooperative."

"Alright. My parents are out of town right now, so they won't even notice that I'm gone. I'll be back soon. Gotta use the bathroom first."

In the many minutes she's gone, Connor approaches Risa. She can read the irritation on his face. His fury dances in his eyes, the one natural eye and the other grafted one.

"What's gotten into you?" he asks. There's no harsh tone in his voice despite his visible anger. "You realize I never intended on meeting with her, right? Matter of fact, I was trying to keep us away from her, but I wasn't quick enough. For that, I'm sorry, but please quit acting the way you have."

She doesn't know how to respond. The hateful side of her wants to lash out and blame him for their current predicament. The caring side of her would rather take the fallout and apologize. Her brain short-circuits, and she wonders if this is how Connor's mind felt when he was rewound.

"I'm, I—" She can't finish her thoughts clearly enough to form a coherent sentence. "Connor, I'm sorry. I don't know what's overcome me right now. Maybe what happened this morning, or possibly a culmination of everything." She looks away from his gaze and focuses on the cracked concrete beneath her feet, blinking away her tears. Or, most likely, a ridiculous jealousy. She doesn't dare say it aloud, but her subconscious knows the uncompromised truth. "Do you . . . do you think that I'm a weak person?"

"What the hell kind of question is that? I don't think that at all!" He turns her head toward his and grabs her hands. The feel of his smooth hands against hers reminds her of the day they reunited after the Happy Jack attack. The day she discovered the shocking truth of who became a part of him; the same boy who was tamed by the man she loves. "Risa, you're quite honestly the strongest person I know. You're a much stronger person than I've ever been. Because of you—and Argent—I'm here today. I wouldn't let you say those three words to me back on Divan's ship, but I broke down and said them myself. Goes to show that I'm also a hypocrite. Another strike for me. How many, now, before I'm out?"

He lets go and rubs his forehead with the shark arm. He appears ten years older in the brief moment. She could have mistaken him for his father had she only been glancing at him. "I don't want you to ever think you're a weak person. You never were, you aren't now, and you never will be. Openly crying is not a sign of weakness. It means you're human like the rest of us. It makes you normal." His eyes, red and swollen, meet hers once more, several tears falling down his cheeks. They tell a story many people would see as horrifying. "Look at me, for God's sake! I can't even hold it all in, but that doesn't make me a weak person!"

She reaches for him and pulls him into the tightest embrace they've ever held. The bottle bursts, and every emotion Risa held inside explodes outward. Hot tears pour from her eyes and fall onto Connor's shirt and into her hair. She realizes that this is what she's been needing for weeks—not the routine nights of sleeping with the man she loves, not the false comforts of living with the Lassiters, but someone she could express herself to. Someone who would understand all, or a good portion of, her pain. That someone is Connor Lassiter, the one guy who's been through hell and back like herself.

You could never know just how sorry I am. For the things we've done, and the things that have been done to us. I just want peace for us both.

They stand there for an indefinite time, letting their hold speak the thousand words too difficult for any language to communicate. She buries her head in his shoulder while he strokes her hair. Her breathing slows down and reaches a manageable pace. In the moment, Risa realizes how wrong she has been about everything. Despite her endless faults, Connor still loves her to pieces; Risa determines that she owes him that much at least. She is reluc- tant to let go when Ariana reappears a short time later.

"Alright, sorry about that," she says, her keys dangling in her right hand. "Took me a bit longer than—wait, are you okay, Risa? Your eyes are real red."

"Fine," she states. "Just got something in them. That, or the wind's been drying them out."

She shrugs and unlocks the car, not giving it another thought. "You two ready to go?"

"Yes," they say in unison.

"Then let's not waste any time. We're hitting the road running."

Though she's worn out after crying so much, Risa has to laugh at Ariana's horrible use of idioms.