The End Zone

Chapter 19

He eyes me suspiciously. "Are you jealous?" he asks. I turn over to look at him and he adds, "You told me before that it was your dream to be a good mom."

"It is," I say. My voice lowers slightly. "It was... Not right now, though. Now I have this internship and some inkling of the career I want. I think one day when I've figured all this shit out and am stable, then that dream will reassert itself."

It hits me then. A vision of myself in 20 years, married to some faceless guy, walking through some park. I look to the side and he's there. Married to his beautiful wife with his beautiful kids.

If in 20 years, I see you married or with someone else, I don't know if I'll ever be okay with that.

A searing pain cuts through my chest. I turn onto my side, curling up as Zack walks to the other side and looks down at me.

"You okay?"

I nod, throat tightening as he resumes unbuttoning his shirt.

"What are you doing?" I say.

He raises an eyebrow. "This is handmade Italian silk, Amelia. You think I'm gonna sleep in it?"

Handmade Italian silk, my ass-

"You didn't bring pajamas or something?" I say.

He pauses, studies my face, then smirks. "It never bothered you before."

I roll my eyes, grabbing the other pillow to hug it to my stomach. Is pregnancy contagious because it feels like there's something in my stomach?

He walks to the side of the bed and looks down at me. After letting out a sigh, he grabs his hoodie, rolls it up into a makeshift pillow, and lies down on the floor.

Great, now I'm an asshole.

"Zack?"

"Hm?"

"Come to bed, would you?"

"But the floor is so nice and moldy."

I let out a large sigh. "Zack, would you please come lie down?"

I can practically hear the smile in his voice as he says, "I knew you couldn't resist."

Biting my lip to stop from retaliating, I turn on my back so my back is facing him. It feels like there's seven miles between us instead of seven inches.

The last time we slept together was Mia's birthday party in a tent and by the morning, he was gone. That's the thing about sleeping with other people. You never know whether they're going to stay or leave by the morning.

"What are you thinking about?" Zack asks. I thought he was asleep but his voice is perfectly clear.

I blink slowly. "How weird we are."

"In what way?"

I search for a lie. It sits on my tongue, ready to come out, but I stop it.

When has lying to him ever done any good?

I take a breath, collecting myself. "A year ago, lying next to you was the place I felt the safest," I say, biting my lip. "Now, I don't even know how to act."

I hear the sheets move as he turns. When he speaks, his voice is quiet. "Would you look me in the eyes and say it?"

I stare at the wall, focusing on a sailboat in a painting. My chest rises as I take a breath. Pressing my lips together, I turn onto my other side.

It physically hurts to look at him like this. His hair is messy and hangs in those eyes that stare at me like they're reading me. And yet, I still can't look away.