The Purpose of My Life | SaTzu

Chapter 10

"Good luck with your lessons!" Sana shouted with encouragement to Dahyun, Chaeng and me, waving her hand at us. We waved back at her, watching her enter her classroom with her fellow Japanese best friends. We entered our classroom soon after and settled down on our own seats.

Lunchtime came and i didn't see our squad in the hallway so we went to the cafeteria to see them sitting at the usual table, waiting for us. Looks like our class is the last one to be dismissed today. I sat down in between Sana and Jihyo-unnie. 

"Are you going anywhere after school?" Sana asked me softly while the others told the two oldest girls what they want to eat for lunch. Sana and i already told ours to them.

"Mhm, i have to meet someone." I hummed softly and answered her question.

"Then dinner? Are you going to have dinner with her?" She asked and i wondered about her question. I probably won't be eating dinner with Yunkyoung, thinking that things will become awkward after breaking up with her.

"I'm not sure." Was what i could say to Sana. She didn't seem to be upset or angry about it. Instead, she just nodded her head with a small smile of understanding.

"Then text me if you are having dinner at home." She told me and i nodded my head.

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"Sorry, my teacher dragged the lesson so i ended late!" Yunkyoung arrived, panting heavily, and i smiled at her, patting the seat next to me. She sat down on the bench and catch her breath, calming herself down.

"What do you want to tell me?" She asked after her breathing is stabilized and stared at me with an intent look. I'm starting to feel nervous and guilty...I don't want to hurt her feelings but i also don't want the both of us to suffer if we continue the relationship. This is so hard...

It became silent, awfully silent, after i explained things to her honestly. I didn't dare to look at her in the face because i know i will feel extremely bad once i look at the expression she's making.

"It-it's okay. I can understand." She said, i can tell from her voice how hurt she is. Her voice was shaking, she's about to cry.

"I'm really sorry." I said, taking up the courage to turn my head and look at her. She looked up at me with a pained expression.

"It's okay. I will probably do the same if i were you." She said, trying to smile but failed to.

"It's okay. I'll be fine, unnie. So don't feel sorry, i really understand." She added on.

"But can i have a hug?" She asked and i nodded my head. I spread my arms wide open and she came closer to me, hugging me. I returned the hug back and that's when she broke down, crying in my arms. Her shoulders shake and i could feel my t-shirt getting drenched. I stayed quiet and let her cry to her heart's content, patting her back to comfort her.

"Are we still going to be friends?" She asked, pulling away from me and wiping her tears away.

"I was thinking of asking you that." I told her and the both of us laughed together. We decided to be friends. We both hugged one last time before going to our separate ways.

On the way home, i checked my phone and it's already dinnertime. I didn't receive anything from Sana, no texts, no calls. Hmm...she's probably hanging out with our friends and eating dinner with them too. That's what i thought as i walked back home.

When i reached home, i noticed that Sana's shoes are placed by the entrance, indicating that she's at home. I frowned immediately. I texted her a while ago, telling her that i would be eating at home, but my message wasn't marked as read. Is she doing something? Ah, homework, right. It almost slipped from my mind. Her teacher tends to give a lot of homework to her and the class. So, she's probably doing her homework now, right...?

I took off my socks and shoes and walked towards Sana's bedroom. I knocked on her room door for two times gently and waited for her response.

"Come in!" I heard her shouted from inside and opened the door slowly, peeking my head in between the gap.

"Tzuyu? You're home earlier than usual. How did the meetup go?" Sana asked, turning her head around and back to the homework on her table. She tidied up her table and sat down on the bed, facing me, as i stepped inside her bedroom.

"The meetup went smooth, nothing bad happened." I told her and she hummed with a smile. She then patted the space next to her, telling me to sit down. I sat down next to her on the her soft bed.

"Aren't you out with our friends?" I asked her since i literally thought that she is hanging out with the squad. She looked at me with one raised eyebrow and a questioning look on her face.

"There's no hangout planned today, Tzuyu-ah. So i've been at home ever since i ended school." She told me and i made 'o' shape with my mouth, nodding my head.

"Don't tell me...You thought that i'm out with our friends today?" She asked with a sly smile.

"Ye-yeah, since you never contact me so i thought you are hanging out with them." I told her, feeling embarrassed. She chuckled, saying that she was too absorbed into doing her homework until she left her phone aside.

"By the way, Tzuyu-ah, did anything happen? I know i asked this already but the meetup, it cannot be that smooth and so short, right? You always come back home late when you're meeting someone, after all, so it's unusual to see you home quite early." Sana said honestly and looked at me with a patient expression. I looked away from her, how am i supposed to tell her what happened just now?

"It's okay if you can't tell me but one thing. Make sure you don't play with their feelings or else you will be in deep and serious trouble." She said after a few minutes, knowing that i can't tell her right away. I looked at her to see her smiling warmly at me, making me smile too. I'm so glad to have her as my best friend and to have her living with me. She's such a rare friend and way too kind.

"Thank you." I said sincerely and she hummed happily, nodding her head with a wide smile. She hugged me, caressing my hair in a comforting way. She smells nice. I hugged her back and we didn't let go for a few minutes.

"I feel so bad for hurting her. She's hurt, i know, but when i see her forcing a smile, it made me feel really guilty and sad because i was the one who hurt her. I even made her cried, i am so sorry. It was so hard telling her because from the start, i knew she would get hurt. But i have to do it because i don't want her to suffer, i don't want the both of us to suffer. I am such a bad person." In the end, i blurted out everything to her while we were still hugging one another. Sana was quiet and i couldn't see her face so i don't know what is her reaction and the facial expression she's making. But i believe that she's listening to me, knowing that she's the type who listens whenever i say my problems and inner feelings and even when i need someone to talk to. She's always there, listening to me attentively.

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