Saving Me

Chapter 32

"Here's the tea Axel said to make for you, Small Fry," Jack smiled as he handed the cup to Lynn.

"Be nice Jackie," Jessica smirked at him causing him to roll his eyes.

"Let's go Pumpkin," Harry called out and Jess squealed in excitement.

"I'll see you later Sis," Jess hugged her. "I'll make sure we get stuff for you too."

Lynn nodded and took a sip of the tea before setting it down on the table. "How's your throat doing?" Lily asked as she set out a variety of paint by numbers for Lynn to choose.

Lynn shrugged then picked out one that was a cherry blossom tree by a flowing river. Sean and Dr. Roberts say I'm making progress since I can eat regular food now, but I don't feel like I'm making progress. I feel the same. I feel....

"Stuck?" Lily asked and Lynn nodded. She nodded, "I felt the same way for the longest time. I felt so silly for having to rely on two of the guys to lay with me every night just so I could get more than two hours of sleep without waking up screaming from my memories and nightmares. I felt like I was trapping them because they had to help me with every little thing."

Me too, Lynn sighed and shook her head. I feel so pathetic and useless because they are having to put their lives on hold because I need so much help. I feel that way with you too.

"Hey I know it's hard to hear and you may not believe me right now but you aren't putting anyone's lives on hold," Lily hugged her tightly. "I understand because I felt the same way with the guys but after talking to them they helped me see that they are choosing to lay with me and help me with other stuff. Your guys are the same way, they are choosing to help you out. You aren't restricting them from anything and aren't making their lives difficult. I am choosing to have these weekly chats with you because I want to. I want to help you see that you aren't alone and also just because I like spending time with you, who else is going to paint with me? Can you honestly see Harry, Henry, Liam, or even Jack painting with me?"

Lynn shook her head and smiled, They aren't my guys by the way, they are just Jess' big brothers helping me out right now.

"You keep telling yourself that Dear," Lily chuckled. "But you are only lying to yourself. I see the way they look at you, it's the same way my husbands look at me. Every time you smile at them it's like Christmas morning. Hell, you even got Owen to start calling everyone by their first names! That's a freaking miracle if I ever saw one. You did that Dear, no one else, not even Sean and he's been his best friend since they were toddlers! Only you, his love, could do that. You have those boys' hearts and I think it scares you because you feel so broken, am I right?"

Lynn bit her lip and sat her paintbrush down. She thought about it for a minute then sighed, How could they like me? I can't even handle their touch most of the time, they have to ask freaking permission to touch me most of the time or else I freak out and get flooded with memories. I'm so fucked up!

"Hey no you aren't," Lily soothed as she hugged her. "You're overcoming so much right now. It will take time but I promise it will be worth it in the end. Are there times that the guys don't have to ask to hug you?" Lynn nodded and Lily smiled, "That's great progress. The fact that they can even touch you at times without triggering something means that you are slowly overcoming your past. Do you realize how huge it is that you can even stay in the house with them?" Lynn shook her head, "It's a huge thing Lynn. Most women in our situations couldn't be around men for years without feeling scared. You are living with fourteen men and feel safe, that's a huge thing. Those men make you feel safe, right?" Lynn nodded.

I think it's funny that someone can be scared of Raven, North, Silas, and Nathan, they are just big teddy bears, Lynn signed after wiping her tears.

"I am the same way with my guys," Lily chuckled. "But to others I can see how they can be perceived as scary. We will just keep it our secrets that they are teddy bears."

"I'm not a damn teddy bear," North growled and rolled his eyes as he came into the room. "Hi Baby."

You are a teddy bear to me She signed and North rolled his eyes then smirked.

"Fine for you but you better not tell anyone," he mock commanded and she nodded then smiled causing him to smile back at her. He left to go get her jacket.

"Remember what I said," Lily whispered as she hugged her. "They are wrapped around your finger."

"What was that?" North asked as he came back into the room.

"Nothing," Lily glared at him, "It's between the two of us." North helped Lynn put her jacket on, "I'll see you next week and we should be able to finish this painting then."

"Did you forget I have the best hearing out of the group?" North whispered as Lynn went to say bye to Harry and Henry.

"So?" Lily asked. "If I wait for her to come to the realization on her own I will never get grandbabies."