It was already late for me to regret all of it. She's the only one who understands me, who cares for me, who is always there for me despite me pushing her away and telling bad things about her.
She was a sweet girl. She was born in a poor family. Her father is always drunk and asking for money. Her mother has affair with any men out there. And a lot of people looked down on her for being a low-class student.
She's going to school in dirty and old shoes. She always wears a dirty uniform and wears that pink coat every day. But despite her having a hard time in her life, she manages to smile at everyone.
She manages to cook foods for me which I only throw away. No one sees her in tears, suffering or even crying out loud. That's why everyone is trying hard to see her tears rolling down. Everyone wants to see her being pathetic.
I never care about her. I never feel anything other than disgust to her. One time, she confess her love for me in front of a lot of people. Despite throwing her a lot of things, she manages to smile at me. But I did not save her, I just walk away and leave her.
After that, she continues to chase me, giving me everything that I will just throw away. She sees how I look at her with disgust, how I throw her hard work but even a single sign of her tears, did not appear.
Up until that day, exactly on her birthday, just like everyone wanted to see. Did I do that? Did I cross the line?
"You're a piece of shit! No wonder why your parents don't care about you! You're so disgusting. See how they abandoned you and treated you as trash like you always are! Stop embarrassing me and leave me alone! It will be better if you will leave this world as well. No one cares about you!"
The first time I believed, that the words that other people say about you do not matter, it won't hurt you. But if it was your loved ones who say those words to you, it hurts like hell. It stabs your heart every day you wake up. It will echo in your mind.
People start laughing seeing the pathetic girl in the middle of the crowd. But they become quiet when the precious tears start to flow through her cheeks. Just like what they wanted to see, her crying.
Now, I realize that I am the only one who can make her feel that. Those beautiful eyes are full of sadness and tiredness. Those eyes that were supposed to be bright, were full of sorrow.
It made me froze. Her tears make me realize the bad things I did to her. That time, I want to apologize but I did not find the urge to do so— as I was speechless to do it.
Despite the things that happens that night, she manages to smile last time and bowed, apologizing for existing in my life— in everyone's life.
And then she walked away. Just like what I wanted, she leaves without any traces. She leaves not just me— but also her parents.
And now, after fourteen years of that incident, I saw her again. For that one decade and four years, I regret everything. I realized how she meant to me. I realized how much I loved her, but it was too late.
I watch her from afar. How she smiles at her three children who are going inside her husband's car. I watch how her husband bid goodbye to her by kissing her.
I watch her being happy with someone else.
The car started to drive away, my eyes never left her. But she caught me. She caught me watching her. On that day, she did not show any anger or any negative emotion... and just smile...... just like before.
She invited me inside their house. Her face never changed except for it becoming mature. She placed the cup of coffee in front of me. I thought she would say any bad things about me— but just like the old her, she does care about me.
"How are you?" Her sweet voice that I missed so much. I thought she will forget about me. I thought I will just be a nobody to her since I hurt her in the past.
"I'm...... good," She puts down the cup of coffee and smiled at me. "Good to know,"
"I-I thought—"
"But...... why are you here?"
"I just passed here and saw you. You're doing good,"
"I am. I'm happy and contented with my family," Her beautiful smile shows it all. I smiled. I was hurt. So this is how it feels like when you saw your loved ones being happy with other people.
Now, I can't imagine how I hurt her for showing her that I like a lot of girls...... Who seems better than her before. "H-How did you two meet?" I asked.
Her eyes— for the first time, I see it shining. I never see her looking at me with those eyes, maybe because I hurt her so much.
"He helped me when I got into an accident a decade ago. And that, I start working for him as his assistant for my gratitude for saving my life. And then, later on, we found ourselves loving each other and creating our own dreams,"
She looks at me and held my hand.
"I thank you so much. Thank you for everything,"
"T-That n-night,"
"That night. You make me realize how unworthy I am. Because of your words, I don't know how— but it makes me realize that I was not loving myself enough. I give all my attention and whole heart to you and did not give time to improve myself. I left not because I was embarrassed. But I left because I want to focus on myself. That's why I thank you so much, Taehyung,"
Should I feel embarrassed? Because I, Kim Taehyung. The known as the coldest and most heartless person was crying in front of the woman I hurt before.
She walks towards me and pulls me into her embrace. For the first time, I feel her embrace. I hugged her back. I hugged her as if I don't want to let go of her. I want to savor the moment. I don't want to let go. I want to stop the time.
She let go of me and caress my cheek with her eyes that are shining like a diamond because of her tears. She patted my head. "Please, be happy,"
"I don't know how,"
"A lot of people live with regret. But if you will just keep regretting things that you should've done before, you'll just get hurt. Moving on is needed, Taehyung. How can you be happy? How will you give your life meaning?"
She held my hand and stare deeply into my eyes that are full of sadness.
"I heard about it, Taehyung. I know how much you suffer. But, if you keep regretting it. You'll just live more than 14 years with regret. Be happy, that's what I wanted you to do. Forget me and focus on yourself. You'll find happiness. Please forget about me,"
I chuckled, sadness was visible. "If only I could go back on that December night, I will make things right. If only I realized my feelings earlier, maybe the two of us will end up together,"
