Chris and Lloyd Want Superpowers

I Don't Know About This...

"Chris!"
The spoon from my cereal flew out of my hand and onto the floor as my roommate and best friend slammed his fists onto the table.
"What?" I said, getting up to grab a new spoon, "I'm trying to eat breakfast."
"I. Want. Superpowers." He said dramatically as if he expected a big reaction out of me.
"Lloyd-," He cut me off before I could say anything.
"Now, before you can say anything, I just want to give you a few facts."
I sighed and sat down to hear the guy out, even though I already knew I wasn't going to like what he had to say.
"In the past twenty years, how many superheroes have popped up over the world?" he asked.
"I don't know, hundreds?" I answered flatly.
"Hundreds!" he repeated.
"Hundreds out of 7.7 billion, Lloyd," I said.
"Yeah, which is at least..." He paused for a second as all emotions drained from his face. It was obvious to me he was trying to do math.
"... a percent!"
"'A percent?'" Technically he wasn't wrong.
"Yes, Chris!" he exclaimed, "And we can be part of that certain percent! Think about it, there exists on Earth several ways to acquire superpowers. So what is stopping us from seeking them out?"
_____
"And that's how this all started," I explained. My therapist had been scribbling down notes on a clipboard throughout my monologue about Lloyd's idea. She looked up at me through her glasses as I could feel a mixture of judgment and confusion coming from her eyes.
"So, your friend..."
"Lloyd."
"Lloyd... just woke up one day, and convinced you to get superpowers with him?" It seemed like she was trying to dig at something and get me to say something. But I guess I kind of paid her to do that.
"Well, I wouldn't say convinced..."
_____
"I'll tell you what's stopping us, Lloyd, common sense," I told him, "Most of the superheroes today got their powers from random accidents, dangerous situations, or got them randomly from birth."
"When there's a will, there's a way, my friend," Lloyd said proudly as he pulled out a slip of paper. "And my friend Will has found us a way." He placed the paper on the table in front of me.
It was a contract and waiver for experimental testing at a biotech facility. Lloyd produced a second wrinkled slip from his pocket and unfurled it.
"I got one too and I already signed it." Lloyd looked at me with an excited smile. It broke my little heart to shoot his idea down, but it had to be done.
"I can't bro, I have to get back on this job search. I can't stand being unemployed anymore." Lloyd frowned as he stuffed his paper back in his pocket.
"See you should just be self-employed like me," He smirked.
"Yeah, what exactly do you do?" I asked attempting to get away from the topic at hand.
"Put food on the table, that's what I do," The smug look on Lloyd's face only gets wider to the point where I imagine his grin stretching back so far that the two ends connect behind his head, effectively decapitating him.
"Well," Lloyd interjected into my surprisingly dark thought, "If you're going into town to look for work anyways can you drop me off there?"
The request was simple enough and I really needed a break from Lloyd's antics. I should've looked out for my friend and roommate and talked him out of it altogether, but unfortunately, I didn't care what he did with his life.
_____
"So, he convinced you to take him to the facility but not to sign the slip and join him?" My therapist asked.
"Well," I groaned, "Doctor Hill, there's more to the story, like a lot more."
"I'm just trying to get the story straight Chris," she said, "I have to get all the facts straight from you. You know that."
"Well, I'm telling you the facts," I told her, "and no offense, I don't know if it's out of my place to say, but I feel like you're trying to jump the gun on the story and figure out the grand conclusion instead of just waiting for me to get to that part."
Doctor Hill sat silent, clearly upset that I'd told her off but obviously unable to argue with me both because I was right and because she needed my continued patronage. I was required to start seeing a therapist but it didn't have to be her.
"Why don't you continue the story, Mr. Blaine?"
_____
Lloyd stepped out of the car while it was still moving as I was parking. I always hated when he did that.
"Look at this Chris!" Lloyd shouted, "Can you believe it?"
I looked up to the towering white building that read: 'ALL-WARE Bio Research Lab'.
"It took an hour to drive here. I thought you said this place was just in town!" I grumbled at him.
"I did, I never said it was in our town though," Lloyd said, still staring at the building. "I just can't believe we're actually here!"
"Why?" I asked, locking my car and following him up to the front door. "It's just a research lab."
"No, Chris," Lloyd exclaimed, "This is the All-Ware lab! Have you ever heard of the All-Ware Explosion?"
"Yeah, I remember seeing something about that, but didnt take the time to read through it," I admitted.
"Well, that was your first mistake," Lloyd said squinting at me, "But essentially what happened is that whatever power source they have in here malfunctioned and gave off a weird energy pulse that affected seven people and gave them superpowers. Hang Man, Bombshadow, Dry Runner, their superhero identities were all born right here!"
"That's cool I guess." Lloyd and I approached the front desk and the tired woman behind the desk looked up at us.
"Are you two here for the 12:30 test?" she asked.
"Just-"
"Yes, we are!" Lloyd cut me off, "Two subjects ripe and ready for testing!" I grabbed Lloyd by the arm and excused us away from the desk worker for a moment.
"Lloyd, what is going on here?" I asked.
"Look man," Lloyd frowned, "I kinda assumed you would've agreed to come so I made the appointment for two."
"Well just do it without me then," I said.
"I can't," he explained, "they need two for the test, and I can't just change the appointment on the spot,"
I was a bit miffed at Lloyd but in true Lloyd fashion, he managed to turn it around.
"Besides, they pay a lot for these tests. If we go through with this we'd both get paid... handsomely."
I mulled it over for a minute or so before eventually, the lack of personal income drove me to agree to Lloyd's scheme.
"But wait, I didn't sign that slip." Lloyd's mouth grew into a nervous grin of shame. He held up the slip of paper he gave me this morning to show me it already had my name written on it.
"You forged my signature?" I whisper yelled.
"Yeah! It's pretty good right?" He smirked. "I've had a lot of practice."
"Lloyd, that's not... a skill I should let you develop."
"Well too little too late Chris-co, I could teach a class on it at this point." he laughed.
"Please don't."
We returned to the desk worker and confirmed that we were both going to be participating in the experiment.
I was a little nervous when she asked for our IDs to confirm our identities, afraid she may see a difference in Lloyd's forgery from my ID signature But she looked at it for a solid twenty seconds and gave it back without any problems. I turned to Lloyd to see his signature grin wider than ever with pride in his handiwork.
_____
"Hold on, Mr. Blaine," Dr. Hill, interjected. "So your friend-"
"Lloyd,"
"Yes, Lloyd... got you to participate in the test and forged your own signature to the point that in was mistaken for being genuine?"
"Yeah, and I don't even know when he had time to do that," I admitted, "It crossed my mind at the time as I realized I never saw him do it."
"Hm," Dr. Hill sighed, "Interesting."
"What does that mean?" I asked.
"Nothing, never mind," she said, despite it clearly not being nothing, "Continue with your story, please."
"I thought it was going to be just a focus group, or a new vitamin or something like that, so I thought we were just going to be in and out with heavier pockets in the end. But I couldn't have expected in wildest imagination what was going to happen next."