Chasing Ghosts | Natasha Romanoff

Chapter 48: Some Days Ask For Pity Parties And Comfort Food

Lila clearly did not like talking or thinking about the job her dad did, the dangers that came with it, the weeks she had missed him. There were days she must not have known if he was still alive. Maya understood better now why her moms never had kids before. The work they did, it was a strain on the children too.

Maya averted her eyes to her feet. ''Does he ever talk about his work? My moms don't.''

''Not really,'' Lila murmured, the lantern glow throwing shadows on her face. ''I don't think they're proud of the things they've done. People see my dad as a hero, but he said he was a weapon, meant to hurt others. He was just aimed by the right people at the right targets. And so were your moms after they joined SHIELD.''

''But they are heroes.'' Maya frowned, glancing up at Lila's sad face. ''They protected people. They protected the world.''

The other girl shook her head, tearing her piece of grass in half. ''I don't think that's how they see it, Maya.''

Natasha

After explaining everything to Eliza in a three-hour long session, she agreed to look for the right place to admit Katya.

Washington D.C. and New York City had a couple private, more expensive places like these, which felt more like a commune - with professional help - than a cold and traumatizing hospital. 

Mental health was a big thing after the Snap that brought everyone back. People had lost everything, only to suddenly have it back. They were confused and traumatized from everything that happened. So, help had popped up everywhere.

Not everyone had the money to go to the kind of places Katya would be going to. Which meant there were spots open at every location Eliza marked as a good option. And Natasha insisted they visited every single one.

She did her usual paranoid background research on the doctors, demanded a conversation with them, and made sure the place was suited for her wife. Because entrusting someone to care for Katya, to help her in the right way without being there herself, was extremely hard. 

Ultimately, she crossed a couple off the list, which left them with three options, from which they chose one.

Katya would leave a week after Maya came back.

It made her feel lighter. To know she was getting the right help soon. But on the other hand, more guilt added to her pile. Guilt of leaving her family behind. Of leaving Maya again. Of creating instability. Again. 

It resulted into more breakdowns - panic attacks following - and more zoning out at random times, not able to eat anything, nightmares every night.

Where Natasha was wary of the idea in the beginning, she warmed up to it quickly. The situation was a strain on herself as well. And although she never complained and would absolutely ruin herself to help Katya, it was a relief to see her get the proper help, even if that meant feeling homesick and worried.

She accepted that she alone wasn't enough to help. That felt like a disappointment, but in the end, what could she do about it? She wasn't some miracle that could solve all of Katya's problems.

Wanda's necklaces worked. They really did. Especially during panic attacks, or breakdowns where Katya couldn't think clearly. But, in the end, they weren't the solution. They were a shortcut.

An addictive shortcut indeed, exactly as Wanda predicted. Katya may have thought she was being sneaky, placing her hand on it carelessly, but Natasha wasn't blind. She let her, though, not ready for a fight.

When Natasha explained the situation to Maya, the girl cried. The prospect of missing her mom for weeks ripped the fun out of this holiday at once. She had the best week at Clint's, stepping off the jet with a huge smile and a head full of stories. But no one to tell them to.