WRECKED | Bucky Barnes

Chapter 10

"He's right. You gotta go Buck. I'll wait for you." I forced a smile, taking a step back so he would stop reconsidering.

Not being close to him anymore was painful. I was craving his hug. After more than 20 years I finally felt completely save in someone's presence and I couldn't get enough of this feeling. But everytime he left I couldn't bare with a thought that I could be seeing him for the last time.

"Only if you promise to keep calling me Buck. It sounds so perfect when you say it." he slowly started backing off, his always charming smile turning into a flirty smirk.

"We will see ..." I could barely speak as my throat felt dry, making me feel as if I was unable to speak. His selection of words made my heart go wild and I bet if it wasn't already dark outside, he would see that my whole usually pale face turned burning red.

He saluted me in the soldier way before running off to find Steve and Peggy, making me chuckle shortly and smile widely at how lucky I was that I met him.

"So this is the one..." Jones, who was now surprisingly already standing right by my side, kept nodding slowly, turning my way as soon as Bucky disappeared behind one of the tents.

"He's the one." I said dreamily and tilted my head to the side with a smile still spreading over my face.

However, as soon as Bucky was gone out of my sight, I realised what I just said. And it scared me. Why would I say something like this?!

"... he's that one guy I met back home ... a fellow New Yorker, you know ..." I quickly added, trying to make myself forget the words I said just a few seconds ago.

"So ... you two are not ...?" he questioned as if he genuinely wanted to know, giving me a sided look, his hands tucked deep into his pockets.

"No ..." I sighed before realising how weird it was that Jones was interested in whatever Bucky and I had. "Why do you care?" I raised my eyebrows at him.

"You know why, Letta." he chuckled shyly before suddenly started acting as if he was in a rush. "Well ... uhm ... I'll see you around I hope ..." he said quickly before almost running off in the opposite direction from where Bucky did ...

... and from where Bucky was rushing forward, his hands clenching into fists until he caught my glance.

"What a freak ... do you know this guy?! The one who said that I had to go see Steve and Carter?!" Bucky asked, clearly frustrated but made it obvious that it wasn't me who caused it as he carefully put his hand on my upper back, gesturing me to start walking.

I flinched slightly as his hand got placed on the part of my body that I've been hit at so many times when I was a kid, usually making me lose the ability to talk for a few seconds or more if my parents thought that one hit wasn't enough.

Unfortunately Bucky noticed that and immediately took his hand off, giving me a worried look. "I didn't mean to ..." he tried to apologise but I cut him off.

"It's not your fault." I said quickly as my eyes glanced from his, way down to his hand and stayed there.

"Wanna talk about it Essie?" he asked softly - it appeared as if he completely forgot how frustrated he was just a few moments ago.

I shook my head, trying to stop a battle inside my mind. For some reason, at that moment I really wanted to take his hand ... hold it ... the way I sometimes see people walk down the street, laughing at eachother, giving eachother looks that made you feel like you are not alone ...

"You don't trust me, do you?" he spoke with a slightly hurt voice as he put his hands into his pockets which made my heart drop - I was just about to move my hand towards his, hoping he wouldn't back off. But now I was too late. He already did.

I swallowed harshly and rubbed my face with both of my hands. "The thing is ..." I started, my voice shaking from the nervousness. I wasn't used to speaking about myself - it was strange, unnatural.

"... I trust you ... and it's scary." I let it off my chest, still looking at the way where his hand used to rest, right next to his thigh.

I heard him let out a deep breath - somehow relieved or understanding one.

"Why is it scary?" he asked with a soft voice that kinda took my breath away. With his index finger on the bottom of my chin and his thumb right under my bottom lip, he carefully lifted my chin so I would finally face him.

"Because I never trusted anyone. And I never thought I would." I responded, my eyes tearing up but I refused to let them tears fall.

"That's ... tough. I'm so sorry." he almost whispered, yet I could clearly hear the honesty in his voice. "But I'm honoured to be your first." he added with a slight smile, clearly trying to make me cheer up.

I coughed slightly uncomfortably and looked down, however, I couldn't help but chuckle at how he always messed up words, saying things in a way that ended up appearing far more from what he was actually trying to say.

"I MEANT ... first to be trusted person? Trusted person number 1? First trusted person ... oh come on ... you get my point Essie ..." he tried really hard to correct his last sentence, making me genuinely laugh at how adorably nervous he appeared for a few seconds.

"I do." I finally stopped laughing and once again my eyes found his. As I said this he carefully bit his bottom lip and remained quiet. Then he shook his head as if he tried to wake himself up and ran his hands through his hair before once again letting it fall down by his side.

Not in the pocket. This time I took a chance.

I did caught him by surprise when I wrapped my hand around his yet I was so relieved when he didn't move it away. His skin touching mine made me feel warm even though it was freezing outside.

"Why were you so mad before?" I completely changed the subject, trying to hide how huge of a deal it was that as we started walking, we were still holding hands.

"I don't re -... OH RIGHT!" at first he spoke as if he was enchanted, flying on a cloud yet soon he got back to reality and whatever pissed him off before was back in his mind.

"Remember that freak who told me I had to go and blah blah blah? And he kept insisting that I really should go already?! ... WELL he forgot to mention that they also wanted to speak to you! I left you there when you were supposed to go with me ... and he knew that. Oh yes he did ... he was told to get us both. That son of a ..." Bucky shook his head. I've never seen him that frustrated about something and it was strange. He was always so kind and sweet and smiling or something but for some reason he was really annoyed by what happened.

"He really was strange. After you left he stopped by my side and asked ..." I stopped and nervously chewed my tongue as I remembered what I was supposed to say next.

"He asked you what?" Bucky questioned, swallowing harshly as his fingers moved from the side of my palm, just enough so he could tangle them with mine.

"Uhm ..." I took a quick glance at our collided hands, trying to ignore that I could practically hear the beating of my heart in my ears from the sudden rush his gesture caused me.

"Don't tell me he asked you out? Cause I'm gonna ... break his yaw ..." Bucky chuckled, studying my face expression as we kept walking, yet I could tell that he genuinely wanted to know and that the 'breaking his yaw' part was not a complete joke.

"He wanted to know if we are ... you know ... but don't worry. I told him we are nothing and ... yeah ..." I said as fast as I could, hoping this was the end of conversation about Jones.

Even though I could only see him with the corner of my eye, I could tell that the rising of his chest got much quicker and the way he bit his lip wasn't the way he used to when he was being his usual silly self. Now he wasn't looking down at me, he was staring in the distance in front of him. He didn't let go of my hand but I could feel the grip had loosened.