Behind the Barriers

28

Hawak ko lagi ang cellphone ko upang kumuha ng picture. It was still in airplane mode and I don't have plans to open my messages yet.

CJ was just beside me as we went inside. Panay ang kuha ko ng picture sa kahit saan. I also took a stolen photo of my man.

"I'm starving," aniya nang palabas na kami.

"There's a restaurant around here. Let's just find one, okay."

"But I don't want to eat fish. Or seafood. Huwag ngayon."

Mahina akong natawa, lalo na at sumimangot si CJ. Naglakad na kami sa area upang maghanap ng restaurant.

He looked so cute with his backpack. Parang magca-camping lang ang peg, eh. Ako naman ay tanging handbag lang ang dala. I just bought clothes in the airport as soon as I got here.

Like his request, we did not order any seafood. He really went all meat.

Pagkatapos naman ay nagtungo kami sa mall para maglibot-libot. I decided to shop. CJ heaved a big sigh and made a face.

"Marami ka namang damit, bakit ka pa bibili?" he asked.

"Omg, CJ. You don't understand how therapeutic shopping is! Nakakawala ng stress."

"Hindi ba made-depress ang bulsa mo niyan?"

I rolled my eyes. "I've got a lot of money."

"Whatever," bulong niya.

We just spent more time in the mall, waiting for our flights. I really thought CJ will complain but he ended up being my assistant. Siya itong may hawak sa mga paperbag ko. Bumili na rin siya ng cap niya.

When we boarded our flight, I was nervous. I am coming home. Wala nang atrasan.

I just closed my eyes when we were in the airplane. I wasn't planning to sleep but I ended up taking a nap. Nagising na lang ako nang kinurot nang marahan ni CJ ang pisngi ko.

"Wake up, sleepyhead," aniya.

Nag-taxi kami pauwi. It was just a short drive that's why I became more nervous. Tinago ko lamang 'yun kay CJ kasi ayaw ko na mag-alala pa siya.

"Please, don't tell anyone that I'm home already," pakiusap ko. "I want more time to prepare."

CJ smiled. "I won't. Take your time, okay?"

"I will."

"Don't hesitate to call me, Euresah. Hindi ka istorbo. You will always be important to me, okay?"

"Thank you." I smiled.

Somehow, that calmed me down. Iba pa rin talaga kapag alam mo na may taong laging nandiyan para sa 'yo. Maybe I was just too blinded by pain that I forgot about it. But it feels safe to have one person whom you can call anytime.

Seriously, the universe must've seen my pain that they gave CJ to me.

I just dropped all I bought in the unit, then I went out to go to my therapist.

Ayaw kong magpadalos-dalos. Baka ikasira ko 'to. And Doc Ruiz knows what's best for me. She has been my therapist for so long now. Siya itong unang usap pa lang ay komportable na agad ako.

I trust her in matters like these. It's foolish that I'll be trusting myself knowing that I'm very unstable and my emotions get into me.

Huminga ako nang malalim nang kumatok sa opisina ni Doc Ruiz. I will just be lucky if she had no appointment.

When the door opened, Doc Ruiz's eyes widened when she saw me.

"A-alam ko na wala akong schedule ngayon pero... pero gusto ko lang talagang marinig ang advice mo," I said.