Despite wearing an actual sweater, I still feel pretty cold. My stomach is clawing at me, and since Mom actively knows I haven't eaten in almost a day and a half, I start crying and clutching my stomach.
"I know it hurts, but we can get you something to eat after the bloodwork, okay?" Mom says, and I nod, still crying in pain.
I put on my brown boots and get my phone, deciding to text Pressley what's going on, knowing it will spread like wildfire amongst the team.
lilly: bruh literally going to the doctor for blood work
pressley: y tho?
lilly: idk but blood work means getting on a scale
pressley: well ig the jig is up
lilly: ikr but rn my stomach is in PAIN
pressley: eat something
lilly: a. i just can't eat something without permission from my brain and b. u can't eat before bloodwork
pressley: oof
lilly: gtg
pressley: bye
Mom has to basically hold me up to get me to walk because I'm so weak and dizzy. My hair is now starting to have mini bald patches. Mom doesn't notice though. I'm surprised Mom hasn't changed the course and taken me to the ER.
"Now, I'm going to warn you, if there's a bad balance, they may take us to the ER, so did you take your Venlafaxine?" Mom asks, and I whimper in pain and agreement.
"Is your stomach really hurting that bad? I'm sorry," Mom apologizes, looking in the rearview mirror with concern.
I'm in too much pain to speak. I drink a bit of water, but it doesn't help. I haven't felt this type of intense pain since 2016 and 2017. I feel like throwing up, passing out, crying, admitting everything, cutting my skin, and dying all at once.
Fifteen minutes later, we arrive and I try to put myself together. They're going to find out you have an eating disorder once they see your weight, Lilliana. I manage to walk myself to the door, not throw up on the elevator, and sit down in the nurse's room. I try to make my tears silent tears. The evil butterflies in my stomach are setting in. The doctor's going to see something is up.
All the little kids playing with the toys and crying, even the clacking of the receptionist's keyboard make me want to throw up. Thankfully, this is a doctor's office, so there are plenty of emergency trash cans in case I have to. I get a ping on my phone.
sarah: how do u think ur mom gonna react to the weight?
lilly: honestly she probably gonna think it broken lol
sarah: good luck on the bloodwork
lilly: thx
Mom keeps handing me tissues. My stomach is constantly cramping up because of no food, I can't hold down water, I'm freezing cold, and I feel like I'm going to pass out or throw up, whatever one comes first.
"Lilliana?" the nurse asks, and Mom helps me up as I shudder at the name. The nurse gives me a quizzical look as Mom helps me to walk to the scale.
"She's a little nervous," Mom covers, and I just can't help but look at the scale in horror.
"Can you step on the scale for me?" the nurse asks, and I shakily step on the scale.
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Une Fleure Fanée
Fanfiction***MATURE WARNING*** "The hunger is good. You had too many calories already. You're already fat." "They'll love you even more when you're skinny. You'll be their perfect little angel when you're nice and pretty." "Lilly, I heard you puking up the c...
Week 14 Part 1 (Sunday)
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