In The Blink Of An Eye

It's That Time

I washed my face and calmed myself down before I went back out to where Jake was. When I entered the living room Jake was holding Sofia in his arms and she was asleep again. I didn't want him to see me as I watched him with her. The way he was holding her and looking at her as she slept melted my heart. I was so sure that he would make the best dad. He gently rubbed her face as she was asleep. Before he could see me, I went into the bedroom and checked on Lilli. When I walked in she was just waking up. 

"Hey honey" I said. 

"Hi mom. Where is Sofia? She was here before."

"She woke up earlier and was crying so I took her so she wouldn't wake you up. She's in the living room now asleep."

"She's so cute, I really like her."

"I actually wanted to talk to you about something. I wanted to know how you would feel about Jake and I having a baby some day? Not yet but if we decided to have one. Would you be okay with it?"

"I would be really happy to have a brother or sister. I would take very good care of the baby and always help you out."

"That makes me so relieved and happy to hear. I was worried that you wouldn't want a baby in the house."

"Why would I not want a baby? I love Jake and I want him to be our family forever. I know he loves you and you love him so I would love the baby too." 

"And I love you to the moon and back. You will always be mommy's baby no matter what."

"Mama, I'm a big girl now. I'm not a baby."

"I know but you're my baby. Even when you're 30 and all grown up, you will still be my baby."

"I love you mama but please don't get all emotional now."

"Heheh when did you go from 5 to 15? Let's go see Jake and Sofia."

She jumped out of bed and ran in front of me. As I watched her go, a tear fell down my cheek. It felt like I just gave birth to her and here she was a big girl. Time flew by fast and I knew that but with Lilli it seems to fly by even faster because I was so busy doing other things that she grew up to be this girl she was now before I could even blink. 

As I walked to the living room, I heard the front door open. It was Jessy and Richy. They carried bags into the house and could barely walk from all the bags so I rushed over to help them take the stuff in. 

Jessy looked over and saw Jake holding Sofia as she slept on him and she looked over at me and smiled. Of course I immediately knew what she was thinking. Little did she know, I was thinking the same thing too. I just wasn't ready emotionally of mentally to have another baby right now. Not to mention physically, I was drained. But the fact that I did look forward to having a baby one day in the future was a big improvement from not too long ago when I was sure that I was done with kids. 

"Jake, I didn't think I would ever be saying this in my life but a baby fits you well" Jessy exclaimed. 

"I have to agree with Jessy. It's a good look man. What are you two waiting for?"

"We're just not ready for a baby yet. I told Madi that we should wait and get our lives in order first." 

Why was he making it seem that he's the one who doesn't want a baby now? Why was he trying to protect me when he knew that I was the one who didn't want it? Would my friends look at me differently if they knew I didn't want to have a baby? I mean… I didn't have to have one right? Yes, naturally the next step of any relationship is wanting a child together but it was perfectly natural not to want one right away or ever. Not all women or men want to have kids and that should be something that is acceptable and normal. Was he doing this because they knew how much he wanted a kid and he didn't want them to think the only reason he didn't was because of me?