Saudade

Ch.5-Why?-

*Author's Note*-I wasn't able to post a new chapter last week because this one wasn't finished, but it's very long. Also, I think you guys will agree that this chapter was worth the wait... Anyways, enjoy...

#SMUT WARNING#- I will be including the smut in this book and I'll be entering the smut scenes from the last book into the actual story, enjoy ;)

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-Sigrun(Sarah)-

"Sigrun waits, where are you going?" Loki asks as he follows me down the hall. I can feel my temper rising so I clench my fists at my sides as I continue down the hallway. How can he look at me like that? In front o his family too, in front of his wife. After he moved on so fast, got married, and had kids, how can he still look at me that way?! I can't break up a family.

"Don't follow me Loki," I say, irritated. I turn a corner and I can still hear Loki's heavy footsteps behind me.

"Sigrun please," Loki begs, gaining on me. I keep walking but Loki reaches out and seizes my hand forcing me to turn back to him. I jerk my hand away from him with a glare. "What's wrong?" he asks. His eyes are filled with worry and I try to ignore it.

"What's wrong?!" I yell with a huff. I've reached my limit, I'm done pretending that I'm okay with everything. "What's wrong Loki is that you are looking at me like that in front of your wife and children! You can't look at me like that anymore! You have a beautiful, kind wife right there and two beautiful baby boys, why are you doing this?!" I demand. Loki looks at me, completely baffled. He doesn't say a word causing me to scoff in frustration. "How did this even happen?! Did you just shack up with the first available maiden ready to kiss your feet back in Asgard? You knew I couldn't give you what you wanted so you did it with someone else?!" I yell as my eyes start to well with tears.

"I didn-" Loki starts but I cut him off,

"I know I told you to leave and to give me some space but I didn't think you'd go off and get married and make a family! I know I'm selfish! I know it's not right for me to be mad at you for this, you were just doing what I told you to do, but dammit I didn't expect you to do this!" I scream, waving my arms around the space. Loki looks like he's in pain, but he doesn't say anything, he doesn't justify himself so I just keep going, "I thought we had something Loki, I thought...it doesn't matter what I thought. I just want to know why Loki? Why did you have to look at me like that when you've moved on? Why are you doing this to me? Wh-"

Loki growls and pushes me against the wall, his lips crash to mine in a flurry of passion and I can't seem to keep my head straight. Everything else fades away and all I can focus on is the warmth of his hands on my tear-stained cheeks and his soft lips against mine. His tongue collides with mine as I reach up and desperately grab his long black hair in my hands and pull him deeper. His right-hand travels down my side and back up to my waist, pulling me closer to him. Our breath combines as we gasp for air between kisses and it takes multiple seconds for my senses to come back and I push him away. We both take a few moments to catch out a breath as we stare at each other, electric heat radiating between our bodies.

"What were you thinking?" I scold him, smoothing my hair out of my face I start to walk away but he grabs my wrists.

"Please let me explain," Loki starts. I take a moment to collect myself and sigh nodding for him to continue. "When I got back to Asgard I became aware of a deal my father had made on my behalf, a deal that was in the fine print when I was pardoned for my crimes. I was forced to marry Sigyn to gain trust from the Vanir, the trust that was questioned because of my actions. I told her all about you, what we had. I told her that I still love you and I couldn't pursue any romantic relationship with her. She completely understood and has never pushed me for anything other than platonic."