Louis POV
When Harry died, I wasn't expecting it. I didn't just feel one hit of sadness and have it all be over. I lost him in chunks over a long time, the mail stopped coming, and his scent fades from the house, and lack of clothes strewn all over the floors and chairs.
After I took the pills it was like I was in a void. On one side was my life before, the talent, fame, and money. On the other side was Harry, the love of my life, my world.
If I stayed on earth the pressures would have become too much anyway, but what if Harry doesn't want me anymore? What if I left for nothing? What if instead of heaven it's just a new life, having to be in the cruel world once again, in a repeating, dark, lonely loop for the rest of eternity. Will I see harry?
Either way, he will always be with me. Forever and always. If I stay he will haunt me and I will be driven crazy by the anxiety and the guilt of not staying with him. If I leave then I can be with him, I can feel that happiness again. Finally.
I go towards the blinding light I can only assume is my happiness. Heaven. The end of it all. It's silly of me to assume that the minute I end it all my worries will go away, the panic attacks, the anxiety, the sadness. I need to go anyways.
I take one step forward. So I can meet Harry
Another step. To escape the world
A third step. So I can be happy
I pause. What about all my friends? Mum, Lotte? I can feel my heart beating throughout my whole body.
I close my eyes and take another step towards Harry. To Harry. To Harry.
One last step to freedom. No expectations. No worries. Nothing but happiness.
I can practically feel Harry's soft touch and his longing gaze. I miss everything about him, his laugh, how he talks at such a slow drawl it almost makes me aggravated, the way he covers his mouth when he smiles because he thinks it's ugly even though it's the most beautiful thing in the world.
I practically run the last steps and I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
To Freedom.
