Falling for the Golden Boy

Chapter 19

Killian's POV

He couldn't focus.

 Couldn't eat. 

Couldn't sleep.

He had been fine loving Carson from afar. It was easier when he pretended to hate him because at least he knew that Carson hated him back. But after spending time together in- What could you even call that? They spent time together and he was almost positive Carson had just used him while him and Ben were fighting. 

Ben. His ex best friend. There's yet another reason his heart ached. Another person he lost. And that was his own fault, he couldn't even blame Carson. He should have just stayed away from the blue eyed bad boy. He knew Ben liked him he just... He didn't think they were serious. Because Ben never told him. He never told him anything. And that hurt. But he couldn't even blame him for that either, what, with the way he treated Carson. 

He truly was a shitty human being. 

He fucked up everything he touched. Maybe he was just meant to be alone. 

"Killian!" He turned around, only to come face to face with one of the men taking over his thoughts. 

"Ben." He stopped, letting the golden boy catch up to him. It was just the two of them in the hall. Class had already started. He wondered why he was skipping, it wasn't like him to miss class. 

"Can we talk for a moment?"

He was surprised but nodded, following Ben down to the cafeteria where they took a seat at an empty table. He waited, having no idea what the boy was going to say to him. 

"I'm sorry." He blinked, the last thing he expected hearing. Ben continued. "I've been a terrible friend and I shouldn't have reacted the way I did when I found out about you and Carson. I should have told you about my feelings for him."

"You don't have to apologize," he said quietly. "I'm the one that fucked everything up."

Ben raised a brow. "You fucked up but you didn't fuck up everything. Some of the blame falls on me too. And I miss you. I don't want our friendship to end because of this. I understand if you don't want to- After everything that happened. But I just wanted you to know that I still care about you and if you're willing, I'd like us to start over."

He thought about earlier, how he lost everyone he cared about. It made him feel better knowing that Ben would still be there for him but... "I forgive you but I don't think we can be friends anymore. I- I still have feelings for Carson and I don't know if I could-" He cut himself off, trying to get the words out in a way that wouldn't upset Ben but the other boy seemed to understand as he nodded.

"It's okay. I don't think I could if I were in your position either. Just know that you're not alone and... If you need someone, I'll always be here."

He nodded, giving Ben a reassuring smile. He watched him leave, feeling slightly lighter than he had moments before. 

His phone started ringing and he checked the caller ID. Seeing that it was his mom, he slipped the phone back in his pocket. He didn't want whatever she had to say ruin the moment. It was strange that she was calling him in school, though. She valued education more than anything and she had never called him when he was in school unless it was important. However, whatever she had to say could surely wait until the end of the day.

~

He entered his house, surprised to find the place completely empty. Usually his mom was home or his brother. His phone started ringing and he looked down to see that it was his fathers number. His heart sank in his chest. His father never called him. Ever. 

As soon as he clicked the green button, his fathers voice came through the speaker. "What's wrong with you, boy? You don't answer your mothers calls?"

"I was in school, I-"

"I don't want to hear it. I won't be back home until next week, you get to the hospital right now."

"Hospital? Dad, what happened?"

"If you answered your mother, you would know. Your brother was hit by a car."

Shock rippled through his system before he was closing his phone and rushing towards the hospital. He slipped on the wet pavement, his sneakers not meant to be worn in the snow and came crashing down into the wet pavement. He fell multiple times on his way to the hospital and by the time he got there, he was cold and wet and his fingers and toes were numb. 

He got his brothers room number from the receptionist before he was rushing down the hall. When he turned into his room, the bed was empty but his mother sat in the chair next to it with red rimmed eyes and messy hair. She had never looked so undone. No matter the circumstance, his mother was the most put together person he knew. If she was in this state, it had to be bad.

"Mom, where's Eris?"

Her eyes flashed with anger. "Where were you?"

"I- School. I got here as fast as I could-"

"It wasn't fast enough."

Panic seized him. "What do you mean? Where is he?"

"He had to get rushed into surgery. He might not live."

"What do you mean? Mom-"

"He hit his head hard and lost a lot of blood. He looked-" She broke down, burying her face in her hands. "He might not live, Killian. And you couldn't even be bothered to answer your phone."

Tears gathered in his eyes and he slowly backed out of the room. He collapsed in the hallway, struggling to get air into his lungs. 

"You couldn't even be bothered to answer your phone."

Oh God, if Eris died... He didn't even get to say goodbye. The last time they spoke, it was a fight. He couldn't- He'd never- He-

"Hey," hands were on his back. "Are you okay? Do you need me to get a nurse?" The voice sounded far away but was obviously coming from right beside him. He shook his head, still unable to speak. He looked up, meeting a pair of grey eyes and long dark hair. He recognized him but couldn't place his name in his panic. 

"No nurse?" The male confirmed, still rubbing his back. 

He nodded, taking a shaky breath. He was starting to calm down but the tears kept flowing onto the floor. He felt something warm on his shoulders and realized the man had given him his jacket. He didn't realize he was still shivering.

The male sat there, next to him, his hand never leaving his back until Killian could breath again and the tears had dried up in his eyes. He didn't know how much time had passed, it could've been seconds or it could've been hours.

"I'm Noah," the male said and that's when Killian remembered where he had seen him before. They use to go to school together. 

"Killian." His voice was hoarse. 

The male's eyes widened slightly but other than that, he didn't show any reaction. 

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"My brother... He-He got into an accident. He m-might not live." His voice wobbled and he bit his lip to keep from breaking down again. 

"I'm sorry," Noah said softly. "I know how you feel. My sister has cancer and... She might not live much longer either."

Killian looked over at him and that's when he truly saw him. Dark bags shadowed the mans eyes and he was in desperate need of a shave. "I'm sorry," he said. 

They sat together in silence, in their shared grief while he waited for news of his brother.