Your Ivy Grows

Chapter 26

Bucky

Bucky had huffed out a laugh as soon he caught sight of his face in the living room mirror. A little something on his face. Now her laugh as she walked out of the kitchen made sense. Running a hand through his mussed-up hair, he takes in his reflection. That red lipstick of hers that drew his attention to her mouth for most of the night was now smeared around his face. A visual reminder of their time together. It was addictive—she was addictive. She was a drug he'd found himself hooked on after just one taste and now he couldn't quit if he tried—and she'd given him three weeks to try. And, fuck, he never wanted to experience that kind of withdrawal again. Grabbing a tissue from the coffee table, he makes quick work of removing the evidence of what they've done.

Coming here tonight had been an unwelcome wake-up call. A swift, sharp tug back to reality. Sitting in their house with photos lining the walls, documenting the life they'd spent together. It had hit him like a punch to the gut. Their marriage faded to nothing but an afterthought anytime he was with Alexis. But it's so much harder to ignore when he's in their home, surrounded by images that spell it out for him in technicolour. Does it even matter if she's unhappy in her marriage if she still goes home to him every night? If it's his bed she's spending her nights in? What is he expecting to happen between them?

Punishing himself more, he walks around the room to look at all the photos, to see all the memories she's made with John. They've grown up together, built a life together. It's fascinating to see the light in her eyes fade more and more as she ages in the photos. The older she gets, the more that light seems to have dimmed till it's practically non-existent. Is John completely blind to it? Does he not notice that her smile never reaches her eyes anymore? Or does he notice and just not care?

His eyes snag on a photo of Alexis, John, and who he can only assume is her brother, Tommy. She looks young here, no older than thirteen, with her natural brunette hair blowing out behind her. Her arms thrown around their shoulders as they sit on the ground, smiling at the camera. The wide grin on her face is one of pure happiness. This one reaches her eyes, and it's so bright it's almost blinding. Her skin appears sun-kissed from summer, her dusting of freckles more prominent than he's ever seen them. John and her brother are smiling wide too, looking like grown men compared to the child sat between them. It finally hits him just how long she's known John for, and that he'll never know her the way he does. That stings more than it should.

"This is going to need awhile to cool down." He turns at the sound of Alexis's voice as she walks in to join him, a plate of apple pie in each hand. The steam rising from them makes it obvious they won't be eating them anytime soon. She places them on the coffee table before looking over at him.

Will he ever be able to look at her and not be bowled over by how beautiful she is? She looks flawless again, there's not a hair out of place and her makeup looks untouched. Her lipstick is no longer smudged—she's removed it entirely. You'd never know by looking at her that he'd fucked her on John's kitchen counter. He meant every word he said to her; she's fucking perfect. Far too perfect for someone like him. He has no business touching her. Not because she's married—he's not noble enough to care about that. After everything he's done, he doesn't deserve to touch something so good.

He doesn't miss the way she's already anxiously nibbling on that bottom lip. It amazes him how quickly she changes around him. She looks like a deer caught in headlights, as if she's terrified of what he could say to her. It's such a drastic change from how she was when she left the kitchen. When they're together, she's tense, completely on edge, almost like she's afraid of him—until he's touching her, until she's kissing him like she could drown in him and not care. That's when her walls seem to lower, and it feels like he's getting to see the real her, and not a performance she's putting on. But as soon as they're done, every single time he watches as that wall goes right back up, reinforced stronger than before and impossible to penetrate. He hates it.