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Chapter 46- I don't want help

TWs- mentions alch0holism, Eat1ing dis0rder, swearing, hospital, shouting, injecti0n/ needle, struggle with breathing

IMPORTANT AND RELATED TO TWS- in this chapter George is forced to do something he doesn't want to. It's not sexu4l and it's to look after him but it's sensitive and he says to stop. Please read safely and don't continue reading this book if anything in it triggers you.

George's POV

Everything was cold. 

My body was weightless, as if floating in the void that was my reality.

If there was any noise I couldn't hear it, just a sort of rushing sound as if wind was blowing. Maybe it was.

My mind wasn't even aware enough to understand the usual concept of life or death, no fear for my on world existence crossing my path. Everything was just empty, cold and dark. It would even be peaceful if my non-existent body wasn't shaking violently with the temperature, a feeling like ice settling itself sternly into my bones. There had to be some way to get out of it, to warm up. I just didn't know what it was yet.

Time passed. I saw nothing. But as it did, the parts of my mind started piecing themselves together. I became more aware of what I could feel, and a sort of unidentified panic started buzzing in what felt like my stomach. Not that I could tell what that even was. 

......

Sound. I could hear sound. A steady beep, my own breathing and that of another. Surely I couldn't be dead if I could hear sound. Right?

......

My back's against something. I can't tell what, but it's soft and seems to want to keep me warm. It's certainly failed at that. There's something on my arm, many things of the same shape. Just as the other I have no clue what they are. But I can feel, it's all just dull. And I can hear, I believe. I'm improving.

......

I know. I understand! I remember, I know where I am, I know what I'm doing. At least I think I do. Hospital, I'm definitely in a hospital. And I fainted because Clay was awake. Right? Yeah, I fainted. But then again why am I with a doctor? Maybe he just panicked. He probably just panicked. Is there something wrong with me? Where is everything?

______________

I opened my eyes slowly to be met with the ceiling. My entire body was shaking with cold, an unfamiliarity with my surroundings screaming at me. What happened? Where was he? 

"Fuck,"

the sharp word escaped my mouth as a numbing pain hit my body. The beeping in the room got ever so slightly faster as I tried to force myself up and look down at my legs, my arms, anything that could prove to me what was going on. My hands slipped uselessly against the mattress, before brushing past some sort of wire, making me jump. What the fuck was going on. 
Slowly, and as calmly as I could with my entire body shaking, I lifted my arm to be in front of my face. I eyed the tubes attached to my veins, sticking into me like they had any right to be there. 

And now I struggled. A small cry left my lips as I tried desperately to just push myself into a sitting position, my legs pushing against the soft surface as my hands had. For fucks' sake, why was I so weak? Why couldn't I even move my own body? The beeping in the room got more intense yet again, my breathing ragged as I lay powerless in an unknown room. I kept pushing, I kept trying, but my body only grew weaker as the panic in my mind grew stronger.

Where was I? What was happening? What were the tubes doing? Why was I so cold? I needed to escape, I needed help, I needed support, I needed-

"George."