In Dangerous Waters

9.Don't Drop The Towel

Malik

My first and second period go as usual and with no Jax in sight. I was positive that he would have at least showed up by now. I waited like I did yesterday but nothing. Now I am in math waiting for Mathew to show up so I can ask him. The bell rings and still no sign of Mathew. I sit back in my seat since the teacher isn't here either and look out the window. Why is it that when a pest stops bothering you, you suddenly start to miss the pestering? The teacher walks in and Mathew slides in right behind him.

"Hey Mathew, he here today? I haven't seen him." I whisper to him as he sits down.

"Yea, he snuck in last minute this morning. He didn't look too good though." Mathew opens his books and proceeds to the chapter the teacher is writing on the board.

okay so he came in late but why haven't I seen him after that? I tap my pencil on my lap and follow the words in the text as the teacher reads an excerpt from his book. I can't concentrate. I raise my hand and ask to be excused for the bathroom. The teacher nods and I leave through the back door of the room. Murmurs whisper as I pass and a stealthy foot pokes out from a desk. I smile at the cheap attempt since I catch it in time and step right over.

The halls are nice and empty. My feet echo in the hollowness alerting the distracted eyes closest to the classroom doors. I pass the rooms filled with developing minds and wordy teachers and follow my feet to the nearest toilet. I pee not realizing how bad I actually had to go. The sound of my steady stream is loud resonating in the bathroom. A sigh in exasperation escapes my lips. Why hasn't he looked for me? I feel a weird knot forms in the pit of my stomach and I don't know why. Is it nerves? I leave the stall and wash my hands.

"I look like shit" I tell my reflection. Dark circles cradle my eyes and dry skin cling on to my stress. My sleep was pretty broken last night. No matter the position, I just couldn't get comfortable. I feel agitated, annoyed, overall unsure of anything at the moment. My insecurities beat my senses at every turn.

I splash some water on my face and take a deep breath. I am really tired. I feel like this is constantly the state that I am in. I hate always having anxiety and any little thing triggers me now but I hate the medication even more. I straighten up at the sound of approaching steps. The paper towel dispenser is of course empty so I shake my hands towards to floor and pat my jeans. When the footsteps stop I look up to find Jax with a surprised look that quickly turns to panic. He turns on his heel and leaves.

"Jax, wait. I want to talk." I follow after him. Why is it that everything I look at him,, he reflects. Y own feelings? He is like a mirror of my emotions. I catch up to him just outside the bathroom and grab his arm. "Please."

"Malik, don't touch me." He jerks his arm out of my hand and walks away. why is he being so cold again?

"Fine. But I'll be at the pier after lunch. Meet me if you want to talk. I'll wait." He continues walking. I go back to class as well and finish my day. Everything now feels like its dragging but the time is finally here and I get in my car. I drive off to the beach trying to keep myself together. I want to tell him how I feel. I want a clean slate. I want to start living like every other teenager. My feet find their way to the pier as they have so many times before and I wait as promised. I eat my lunch and put on some music with the waves keeping my screaming thoughts company.

The wind feels nice by the water. It's not as hot and the air is slightly salty. The water is a little rough but still enjoyable for those swimming. I slump in my seat and lean my head back on the bench. The sky is a crystal clear blue with little clouds floating by. A few seagulls fly by and dive into the water for some fish. My eyes follow them as they swoop down scaring some of the swimmers. Laughter bounces of the water once the birds flew off. The moment is as relaxing and carefree as it's going to get.