Looking back at our photo album hidden underneath the back left post of my bed, I try to tell myself that it won't make a difference in the way I feel now.
Your smile in the light of the sunset, your bare feet in the sand, the plaid scarf pulled tightly around your neck, your little sister on your shoulders - none of it should affect me now.
But I see your finger pointing at my silhouette in the sunlight, my feet in the bare sand right next to yours, my face pressed delicately against your scarf, my hand steadying your sister.
I can feel your presence right beside me.
But when I look over, you're not there.
Instead, an emptiness hovers - dark and grey.
It follows me around the light of the day and curls up beside me as the stars line the sky.
I cannot escape it: the sight of it, the smell, the touch, the sound of it.
The sight of you, your sweet scent, your touch, the sound of your voice - it all lingers.
This is how I met your shadow.
Peter Pan was the lucky one because he always knew that the shadow of his youth was not really you.
My breath folds when I look at the spot where we used to sit. We would stare at the glistening water and think about what our future could be.
Now you've moved on, and I didn't stop you. You walk right past me, and all that I get is a slight smile.
Was it supposed to hurt this bad after just 12 months? Is it normal for my heart to feel this stuck, this heavy?
I hold my head high, feign my confidence, trying to tell my brain that you're not stuck in my head.
Instead, an emptiness hovers - dark and grey.
It follows me around the light of the day and curls up beside me as the stars line the sky.
I cannot escape it: the sight of it, the smell, the touch, the sound of it.
The sight of you, your sweet scent, your touch, the sound of your voice - it all lingers.
This is how I met your shadow.
Three simple words were all I had left when we ran into each other in front of the old church.
My palms beaded with sweat, and my eyes could barely meet yours. But your smile reassured me that I could go on.
"Let's be friends," I whispered - it was all I knew how to say.
Would we be okay? Would you laugh at me? Could we go back to the way things used to be?
There was a pause in your breath, and a shock of fear ran through my veins, screaming to my heart that I should've kept silent.
Instead, a peace hovers - light and blue.
It follows me around the light of the day and curls up beside me as the stars line the sky.
I won't escape it: the sight of it, the smell, the touch, the sound of it.
The sight of you, your sweet scent, your touch, the sound of your voice - all precious memories.
This is how I said goodbye to your shadow.
