The Dare to Destroy ~Cashby~

Chapter 5

It was weird, I wasn't doing it to get him to believe me, I was doing it because...well... I wanted too. He'd been the first person to actually listen and care in a long while, and it made me realize, maybe the others weren't as good of friends as I thought. Sure, when I told them about my mom they sympathized...for about 30 seconds before Ronnie went about planning Shayley's next beating. I hadn't ever been able to talk and get the attention from anyone the way I could from Alan. Sure, after I found out about his mom, and friends, I felt a little bad for what we where doing, but there was nothing I could do. Maybe I just found myself telling him all the crap because he was the first person to listen. Yeah, that had to be it, I was using him, like planned, I'm Austin Carlile, I didn't need anyone. I didn't care about anyone else other then myself, he was just a vent out spot. That had to be it.

"As promised." Alan gave me a small smile as he sat down. "So...how's your day been?"
"Alright I guess." I shrugged. "Pretty boring, yours?"
"Same." He nodded, his ginger hair falling over his face. He really needed to get it cut, it was way too long...although, it looked good on him I had to admit. He was actually quite a cute little ginger. He was no Matty in the 'hotness' department, but he was cute, and he was kinda hot. If he filled out a little more and got a bit more muscle on him, he could probably be a pretty hot ginger. I'm not saying he isn't hot, but he's more...cute, then hot, if you get what I mean. Like, you know, some people you go 'holy hot damn they're hot as hell' and then some you go 'aww you're so cute!'...yeah Alan fell under the 'cute' out of those too. It wasn't a bad thing at all, though some would probably take it in a bad way. Maybe it's because he was just so small, too skinny and he was tiny compared to me. I mean, I'd be lying if I said I wasn't attracted to him at all, I was, which was weird, because usually I went for the 'holy hot damn they're hot as hell' type...but Alan, he seemed different, again, in a good way...I guess.

"So, uh, tomorrow...after coffee...fancy hanging out at mine?" He raised an eyebrow at me. I'd never invited him to mine before, we always met up on the beach, or at his. I was hoping, by doing this, it would get him to trust me a little more and stop being so bi-polar with me.
"Umm, okay, sure."
"We can get a movie, pop corn and stuff? Will keep my dad off my back for a little while, judging from the way he acted this morning, tomorrow's not going to be fun. And I know he's got some big important meeting Monday, which means he'll be stressed out even more and I'm gonna be there to take the hit and..."
"It's okay, I get it, sounds good, if it helps."
"Well yeah, but I'm kind of hoping you're saying yes because you actually want to hang out too."
Alan paused for a moment...wait...was he only hanging out with me because he felt sorry for me? Was that the only reason he was sat here? It made sense...it would explain why he kept freezing me out...because every time he freezed me out...was when I was starting to get close to him. I had this strange feeling of...sadness? Like, the thought of Alan just hanging out with me because he felt sorry for me made me sad. Like, I actually wanted him to want to be around me...and not for the plan...I actually genuinely wanted that. Snap out of it Carlile! I inwardly slapped myself. There was no way, me, Austin Carlile could actually want someone like Alan in my life. No, I was Austin Carlile, I only hung around with people like me, tough, rich, popular. I didn't make friends with depressed loser emo kids, nu huh, that wasn't me. Everything I was doing was just because I was using him...yup, that was it. Just straight up using, I didn't like him, I wasn't going to fall for him, I wasn't going to become real friends with him, I was going to use him, do my job and laugh while the others tear him down.
"I do yeah." Alan gave a small nod, braking me from my thoughts.
"You sure about that?" I raised an eyebrow at him.
"I am...it's just been a while since...and I guess I'm still trying to wrap my head around it."
"Around what?"
"Everything I guess." He gave a little shrug and sighed. "You, new town, new school, new job, living with my grandparents, and they say things get easier over time, but they don't, you just learn to cope that's all. And you're kind of braking my ways of coping."
"How?"
"Well, before, my coping was, shut everyone out, keep myself to myself blah blah blah...but yeah, here I am having lunch with you, going out for coffee tomorrow and gonna watch a movie. You...I guess you make me feel like the old me, the me I was when my parents where alive...and I'm not sure how I feel about that right now...because...I just...I don't know...I can't really explain it."
"it's cool, I get it, I guess. Like before taking shit out on others was my way of coping, and it's not been the easiest adjusting. I've found myself holding back and biting my tongue more then I thought. Guess ways of coping are like drugs, and it's hard to brake the habit."
"I think that's a good way of putting it. But hey, I guess we can help each other right?"
FINALLY! That's what I was after, maybe this whole plan could work out after all, maybe now he might stop being so bi polar and start letting me in...before Ronnie actually beats me properly for not doing my job! "Yeah, I think we can. Maybe we can find a new way of coping...together...in a way that doesn't involve hurting ourselves...or anyone else for that fact." I smiled.
"Yeah, maybe...I'm sorry I've been so...off and on." He peeked at me through his hair with those beautiful brown eyes of his. Wait...huh? Did I just...No..No...I didn't...nevermind.
"You're forgiven. Now, are you actually going to eat something or just keep pushing your food around with the fork and make me force feed you?"
"Oh, yeah." He looked back down, blush creeping across his face as he picked up a small mouthful and started eating. He was cute when he blushed, I had to admit it and it was fun knowing I could make him blush. It was a good sign for me, if you can make a guy blush, it usually means they like you, and hey, I got to make this worth my while here. I may as well get some fun out of this. I sighed and changed the subject, debating what film to watch tomorrow...Oh Alan, if only you knew you're just another victim...