I walk back upstairs,and I feel as if I am moving through syrup. My muscles and limbs ache and the burns I recieved from the explosion throb and sear my skin. I just want to lie down.
Natasha's room is fully occupied. Through the small crevices in between the nurses' bodies,I spot her. Not fully awake,but at least trying to be there.
I rush into her room,fighting to catch a better glimpse of her,but the nurses seem to want to fend me off,and my fight to see her becomes a thousand times harder.
"Captain Rogers,I'm afraid we can't let you in right now."
"He's okay,"Her voice is a harsh whisper and the overprotective nurse looks down at her.
"Agent Romanoff."
"He's okay."She repeats.
"You're sure?"
She nods.
The nurses step away from the bed and gather their things and leave.
"I owe you a drink don't I?"I ask.
She laughs."I don't care,"she smiles."You're alright."
"So,I don't owe you a drink."
"Come here,"She whsipers."How are the others? Tony?"
I lay down beside her and wrap her in my arms,laying my head on her shoulders. "They're doing alright. Clint's doing better,"I say.
"Clint?"
I nod."He's okay. He made it out."
"Is he-"
"Yup. He stayed with you a few days. While I was out."
She nods,not fully comprehending I can tell. I walk toward the bed."I'm so proud of you."
"Mm mm. Not right now."
"What happened."
She shakes her head,her lips pulled tightly together.
"Natasha,you can tell me anything,"I entertwine my fingers in hers and lay them on her side."What happened."
"I went back,"She whispers."When I shot her,I didn't stop until the magazine was empty,"She shakes her head."And it felt good. It felt so good to pull the trigger. It felt good to watch her die that way-"
"You didn't know what you were doing-"
"Stop."
"Nat-"
"You don't know what it feels like. To want to be good,and to have it. Have it just to have it stripped away from you in a matter of seconds."
"You did what had to be done."
"I over-killed."
I adjsut my chin on her shoulder,pressing my lips into her hair."It's done now."
"But it can never be the same."
I remain silent for a moment,letting her words register."Nat?"
"Yes?"
"I'm glad you're okay."
"Me too."
"Look at me,"She turns and looks."I went under and I thought I was gonna die. I was drowning,"I shake me head."Falling all the way down I kept thinking that I failed you."
"You didn't fail me. You're okay now."
"I need to ask you something."
"What?"
"You made me promise you I'd never leave you back at S.H.I.E.L.D. Do you remember that?"
"Yes."
"Can you make me a promise."
"What?"
"The truth is,Natasha, drowning,I was terrified. Not because I was drowning but because I knew I was going to die. And that I'd never get to see you again. And that terrified me. I've never felt that kind of fear in my life,"I hold her tighter."I need you to promise me,right now,that you'll never leave me."
She stares into my eyes."I don't have any plans on leaving any time soon. I can't promise you forever,you know that. But as long as I'm alive,I'm going to try to make this work,"She smiles."Because you mean so much to me. More than anyone has in my life."
I smile."I needed to hear that."
"I'm glad I could help out,"
I press my lips against hers and she whispers I love you.
And I feel assured. Certain again. A feeling I haven't been able to feel in a few weeks.
"You should get some rest."
"Stay here."
"Mm hmm. I promise."
She curls up beneath me,laying her head on my chest."I don't like my scotch to bitter or too cold. And I don't want the cheap stuff either."
I let out a laugh and she laughs with me."I'll keep that in mind."
"Goodnight."
"Goodnight."
