A Christian Romance

Chapter 38 - Compassion and Self-love

"Come again?" Adam was confused. He didn't expect an apology.

"I'm owning up to my mistakes." Joel didn't waver.

"I don't understand." He struggled. "What are you trying to say?" He frowned.

"I'm trying to say that all of this," he referred to their situation. "was caused by me." He admitted.

"How is that?" Adam scoffed, for he was the one who had lied and spent his days womanizing.

"I looked up to you. I put you on a pedestal." He explained. "I think you became my idol, Ade. And that set off for a big disappointment, not you." He added. "I shoulda never set my eyes on a human like me." He took one final sip from his tea that was now cold.

Adam was lost in introspection, realizing that this meeting had taken an unexpected direction. He was prepared to announce that he was going to walk away from his mate's life. From what he had witnessed and experienced, there was no way he deserved to be forgiven. Who could blame Joel for not forgiving him?

"What about me sleeping with your sister?" He thought he needed to remind Joel of his mistake. "That didn't happen just once. I lost the count to the many times we had sex." He tried to sound like the worst criminal, all because he thought he didn't deserve forgiveness. "Plus, I had other girls in between too!"

"It doesn't matter. That's between you and Mim, now." That didn't shock Joel anymore. "Adam, I choose love over hate. I'm asking you to give me another chance to love you. This time unconditionally!"

"I don't know what to say." Adam couldn't deal with that response. "I came prepared to receive hate from you."

"I guess it's easier to accept hate rather than love for our mistakes."

"I guess," Adam replied, lost in thought.

"I need to use the toilet, I'll be right back," Joel announced leaving his place at the counter unattended.

Adam watched his skinny mate walking away. Even loving him wrongly - as Joel had admitted - he had been the best of friends. And now, to experience unconditional love from him was mind-blowing, mostly because it provoked intense questioning. He didn't even have an answer for most of the questions and he felt lost and hopeless. Tears began to form in his eyes and roll down his face. He tried to dry them away discreetly, but he couldn't help the tears from falling.

When Joel came back and saw his friend hunching, with his hand hiding his face, he quickly walked to him:

"Ade, you alright?"

"I'm just overwhelmed."

Joel was surprised to see Adam so vulnerable. He put his arm around him, trying to avoid a scene, but still giving him the comfort he needed.

"Mate." Adam tried to say between his silent sobs. "I need a hug."

That was something very uncommon for Adam to ask. But Joel enveloped him in his arms, and the sobbing became louder catching the attention of other customers.

"I needed this," Adam admitted, wiping the moisture off his face with a napkin after all the sobbing and crying was over. "I will go to New York a completely different person, Joel!" He smiled at his mate.

"About moving to New York, is there anything I can do to change your mind...?" Joel tried.

"I've made up my mind. I got the flight tickets already, everything is settled."

"How long are you staying there?" Joel asked.

"At least for a year. We'll see." Adam replied.

"You don't depart this Saturday, do you?"