Chasing Ghosts | Natasha Romanoff

Chapter 42: Secrets Suck

"Oh, so she knows too." Yelena let out a humorless scoff. "Of course she does. It was always the two of you, and it still is."

Yelena's anger was very contagious, so Katya found herself furrowing her brows in anger as well. "What is that supposed to mean?"

"It means that you never tell me anything!" She gestured wildly. "You act like I'm twelve, like I'm a child! But I'm not! I went through the same things you have, yet I am always excluded."

"You think I want to tell everyone that my uncle is responsible for killing thousands of people, stealing girls off the street, torturing them, forcing them into a life of killing, lying, and manipulation?" Katya raised her voice, hating herself for it. "That is my family! My blood! It might as well have been me who did those things to them, to you, to Nat.'' She choked on the last sentence, but Yelena didn't seem to notice.

In fact, she did not listen to anything she said. If she had gotten out of her head and paid attention to the cracks in Katya's voice or the tears in her eyes, she would have realized how hard this was on her. Now, she was blinded by anger.

''You're right, I am- I was one of those girls, who killed and stole in his name! I deserved to know. I deserved to know I sleep in his niece's house, that my sister is married to his family. What does that make me, Katariina?" Anger consumed her so much that she didn't see Katya flinch at her full name. "I finally got away from him, from all that. I killed him. And now you're saying I'm still not rid of him? That a part of him will always be around?''

Katya's breath hitched in her throat. That was the last thing she wanted to be seen as, a part of him. Her breathing sped up, and her voice was so fragile when she spoke. ''Stop, please. I know. I know, okay?"

"He ruined my life," Yelena was still on her rant, but she had taken a breath and spoke slower. "And I was finally free. Only to find out from someone else that he lives on, in you."

Something in Katya snapped. A wave of angry confidence sent her two big steps closer to Yelena. "Don't you dare say that. You have no idea how that makes me feel. You think I like being his family? You think I don't feel like ripping my DNA out of my body? Thinking about it makes my skin crawl. It makes me disgusted of my own body, of myself. So I don't need you to tell me those things, because I tell them to myself every single day.''

Yelena blinked. Finally, she had listened, and not just stayed silent for a bit and then continue her own rant. ''So, am I supposed to feel sorry for you?'' She skeptically asked after a short silence.

''No." Katya shook her head. She neither wanted nor deserved pity. "But you have no right to yell at me like you are doing right now.''

''I have every right to yell at you! You kept this a secret from me!''

''Because I can't handle this! Okay?!" Katya argued back, shutting her up again. A tense silence followed. One where the angry tears turned into desperate ones when they fell. "I am working on it. But I am already trying so hard not to go off the deep end. To implode or explode or whichever one is worse. I have so much PTSD and anxiety to deal with. I can't handle dealing with this as well. It will tear me apart. Please, please, understand that," she begged.

As a matter of fact, she tried so hard to control her anxiety right now, to not let the yelling get to her. But with her heart hammering in her chest, her whole body shaking, and her breathing erratic, she knew she was on the edge of an anxiety attack. And Natasha was still watching from afar, recognizing all the signs, containing herself to not rush over and help.

"Oh, you can't handle it?" Yelena scoffed, crossing her arms over her chest. All her dick-ish behavior came from pain, insecurity, and helplessness. Katya didn't blame her for it, but her words did hurt.