𝐃𝐀𝐑𝐊 𝐑𝐄𝐃

𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝'𝐯𝐞

you sat there silently, running your fingers over the gorgeous ring, trying to steady your uneven breaths.

"do you like it?" vinnie asked anxiously from beside you, nibbling on his bottom lip.

"i-" you stumbled over your words, in a pure state of awe. you turned to vinnie, eyes watery and a bit red, smiling softly. "vin, i love it."

+

i should've told you how beautiful you were more often. i should've yelled louder. i should've locked you up and never let you go.

+

"god, vinnie, you're mad over nothing!" you screamed at him, pulling at your hair roughly.

"mad over nothing?" he yelled back in disbelief. "you were gone for two days! no texts, no calls, nothing!"

"well, i'm back now, aren't i?"

"that's not the point!" he cried, tears spilling from both of your eyes. "fuck, y/n, i'm trying, okay? i'm trying to be the best boyfriend for you, i'm trying to help. but my god, you can't keep doing this to me! you can't keep running away and coming back, expecting me to just not ask questions or be worried! you can't!"

you were stuck on words. you couldn't push any sounds out of your throat. because it's hard to speak when you want to kill yourself.

"just-" he started, wiping his hands over his face in frustration. "just go to sleep, in the house, please, i can't talk about this anymore tonight."

he pushed past you and grabbed the keys on the living room table with blurry, blood-shot eyes.

"vinnie-" you tried, reaching out for his arm. but he pulled back harshly, putting his hands up to stop you.

"don't- don't touch me, not right now," he seemed to sob, his eyes full of hurt and concern. but the concern was no longer held for just your well-being, but his too. "sleep, please y/n... i'll be back soon."

+

i should've locked you up and never let you go. i should've come home sooner. i should've never left.

+

vinnie stayed out for a few hours, maybe five or six? he didn't know. he was too sleep-deprived to think about it. he walked up the stairs to your room as he rubbed his tired and sore eyes.

he walked into your room, flicking on the bedside light, and was fucking terrified to see you weren't in bed.

you wouldn't leave. you couldn't. vinnie left, but unlike you with him, you knew he'd come back. so why would you leave again?

he searched frantically throughout the house, running in and out of rooms, up and down the stairs, yelling out your name like a hail mary. until he finally made it to the bathroom.

"y/n," vinnie cried, nearly knocking the bathroom door off its hinges when he push it open.

there he found you, in a bathtub with water of crimson red, body lifeless, and eyes void of their usual glimmering light. your wrists cut deep, blood spilling from the wounds. still covered, clothes and any visible skin drenched in the bloody water, making this all the more horrific.

"baby..." he choked, taking slow, cautious steps towards your body. he brought his shaky hands to your motionless ones, gripping tightly. "please," he cried into both of your hands. "baby, please..."

time slowed when he yanked his phone from his pocket to call an ambulance. he cried into your hands while he waited, and cried into his knees as he leaned against the bathroom wall when they took you away. he cried when he woke up the next morning to an empty space in bed, and cried when he went to bed that night because this time, you weren't coming back.

+

i should've kissed you longer. i should've held you tighter. i should've loved you harder.

because maybe then, you'd still be here, and i wouldn't be all alone.

but i didn't.

and you're gone.

—

confessionals 🛁🩸,
this book has been
here for so long it's
embarrassing. 😐