Through the Eyes of Draco Malfoy

{5] Not Good Enough•

🐍TW🐍
IN this story there are scenes/talks/actions/thoughts related to things such as eating disorders, self harm, depression, rape, abuse. If any of these trigger you, feel free to click off now. If not, please enjoy this story chapter;
In this chapter there are mentions of eating disorders and abuse.
Xoxo

I head to my potions class a little late and sit in the back near Blaise and Pansy, in front of us were some Gryfindors.
"Look at the little death eater, always late, he doesn't even care about his education, like us Gryfindors do." A Gryfindor from in front of us had spouted.
I had the best grades in the year, I did in fact care about my education, but not as much as father cares about it, he always wants me to have the best marks. When I was younger, my mother would always compliment me on my grades, I usually got in the top 15 of my grade. But at some point the top 15 didn't cut and father and mother wanted me to be first, no matter what. I wasn't good enough until I was first, half the time I still wasn't good enough. Every time I go home for break father scolds me on how much weight I gain when I'm at school. This year I've decided I'm not going to eat here, I really don't want to hear those words when I get home,
"Your clothes are much less baggy"
"You must have binged a lot"
"We need to buy you some bigger clothes"
"Disgusting, Malfoys aren't fat!"
"Who's going to love you looking like that?"
Last year I was 115 pounds, which is a lot bigger than father prefers me. I lost 25 pounds by now due to his punishments. I thank him for that. I'm not as fat as I was last year, but I'm still far from skinny. It doesn't help that Blaise and Pancy always try to shove food into my mouth. And when I tell them I'm not hungry they just ignore it. I'm not lying to them though, I'm not very hungry anymore, my body has gotten quiete used to not eating for weeks at a time. It's normal for me now. I just wish that what I look like now would be good enough for father and mother. I wish how I did in school was good enough for father and mother. There's always something to improve on, wether I'm first or not. I can do better. I'm just a disappointment to my parents. They feel I'm unworthy of being called a Malfoy. I agree. I don't take it seriously because I don't want to. But I want to be loved by my parents so I'll continue to try harder.
"Everything okay?" Blaise questions me.
I nod as I always do when they ask me that question.
"You're looking a bit pale, did you sleep alright?" Pansy chimes in.
"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine."
"Did you eat breakfast this morning?" she questions again. I stare back at her and mentally roll my eyes.
"Draco! You need to eat, I thought we've established this. If you keep going on like this who knows what'll happen. You're already skeleton thin!" Pansy persuades me.
𝘚𝘩𝘦'𝘴 𝘭𝘺𝘪𝘯𝘨. 𝘠𝘰𝘶'𝘳𝘦 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘢 𝘧𝘢𝘵 𝘱𝘪𝘨 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘪𝘵.
I hear this in the back of my head.

"Pansy, really, I am fine."

A little while later and I'm heading to the lunchrooms with my friends and my other peers. Pansy, Blaise and I make our way to the Slytherins table.
The feast appears and my friends start to dig in, I drink my water along side them.
"Eat!" I hear coming from Infront of me, Pansy sliding a plate of chicken, salad, corn and pie to me.
I give her the side eye as I give up and eat. Only, I eat half the chicken and begin to feel full.
"Finish." she insists.
"Pansy.. I'm full."
"I'm sure you are, now finish it."
I roll my eyes for her to see, but pick my fork up and eat the corn she had placed on my plate. After a few minutes I had ate the chicken and corn and a few bites of salad.
I stare back at Pansy, putting my fork down.
"Done." I tell her.
"Fine. Are you staying here or are you heading back to the dorms?"
"I'll head back, I'm kind of tired. Goodnight."
"Night" a mouth-fulled Blaise says to me, waving me off. I give him a smirk.
"Goodnight Draco." Pansy smiles at me.
I turn and head to the bathrooms, I feel
disgusting. I wonder what father would say if he saw how empty my plate was when I had finished it. He'd probably comment on how much of a pig I am, stuffing my face in foods anytime I got the chance.
Once I get to the bathroom I make sure no one is there and cast a silencing charm on the surrounding area, just wanting to get this done quickly. I sit in front of one of the toilets in a stall and jab my fingers to the hilt of my throat, making me gag. I pull my fingers back. 𝘍𝘶𝘤𝘬. You useless baby. You can't even vomit right. I push my fingers back into my throat, a bit further this time making the feel of vomit come up my throat and into the toilet bowl. I whimper a little, as I hate vomiting, it makes me feel gross. But, in all honesty, it's better than keeping those disgusting calories in my stomach to form fat. Way better.
"Hello? Are you okay?" I hear from outside the bathroom stall.
Fuck. This.
"Uh-huh" I get up and flush the toilet. When I open the bathroom stall I come into contact with a large, slight-muscled chest, none other than Harry Potter's.

"Dra-Malfoy? Pansy told me you headed back to the dorms?" Harry speaks.
"Why were you talking about me with Pansy?"
"I- I wanted to check on you. See if you were okay."
"Well, I'm here, you see me. I'm perfectly fine, am I not?"
"I'm not sure actually. You're looking a bit flushed."
"I think your eye sight has gotten worse, Potter. Maybe get a new prescription of glasses, because I'm feeling perfect. Never better."
"If you say so, but you got a bit of vomit right there." Harry says, pointing to my chin.
𝘍𝘶𝘤𝘬 𝘔𝘦. 𝘍𝘶𝘤𝘬. 𝘍𝘶𝘤𝘬.
I lift a hand to shield my chin and push past him.
"I said I'm fine! Leave me alone"

Word Count: 1110