Amalgamate

Chapter 3

At first, the gun had intimidated her, but after listening to Ian talk, she knew without reservation that no one would be a better teacher. She would never forget the first time she held the cold, heavy instrument in her grasp. But, even more memorable was her time alone with Ian. Even now she flushed at the memory of them at the gun range alone together, when he stood directly behind her, his arm next to hers, his voice soft and warm, his lips pressed against her ear, whispering softly to her. Her skin had warmed next to him, and she finally understood what the expression 'butterflies in your stomach' meant.

But, if he was aware of the flush beneath her skin, he never let on. He was so much warmer than her, and his blonde hair tickled her delicate skin when he leaned into her to guide and steady her aim. She knew then that he didn't see her like that, didn't have the same feelings for her, but she had enjoyed him immensely.

Even now, goose bumps covered her skin at the thought of his touch, but it was the coolness of the water that brought her back from her trip down memory lane.

She turned the faucet hotter and sank to the floor. She had no idea how long she'd been standing in her shower, revisiting her memories, but her legs were too fatigued to stand any longer. Pulling her legs into herself, she rested her chin on her quaking knees while water rolled down her back continuing to mix with the blood that had coagulated on her clothing.

Jesus. She'd shot people. No, killed people tonight, but that was nowhere near as devastating as the realization that she'd gotten her teammates killed tonight. She'd failed them, and herself.

The guilt consumed and overwhelmed her. She never cried, not ever. And she never felt too passionately about anything or anyone either, but tonight she couldn't stop the tears from coming. Her whole body shook with remorse and guilt.

"Ro? You alright?" Ian's voice bellowed from the hallway as he made his way through her empty house, searching for her. The front door had been left wide open, and there wasn't a single light on save the one at the end of the hall upstairs. Heading in that direction he kept his eyes peeled. There was something very wrong about what had happened tonight...elders were in town.

He'd grown very attached to her over the past few months. However, attachments no matter how innocent, complicated things and were expressly forbidden with humans on any level. He found it necessary to keep reminding himself of the rules.

And yet, somehow, Ian knew there was something different about Rowan. Maybe that was why he couldn't just shut off his feelings for her. She wasn't setting off any of his senses, but every case she'd worked on, every vision she'd had involved a lore creature. She just didn't know it. Of course, lore gave off more perceptible and powerful auras, so she could have just been picking up on that, but he didn't think so. Rowan was far too accurate, too perceptive, and too intuitive to be just a human.

Hearing the water, Ian waited outside her bathroom. "Rowan? You okay?"

When there was no response he let himself in. He wasn't the kind of guy who asked permission anyway.

When he saw her huddled on the floor of her shower he had his answer. 'Hell no.' She was clearly a fucking mess. He pulled his shoes off and threw his coat to the floor. His team had prepared her physically, but she wasn't psychologically prepared to do what she did tonight. Tonight she had protected her team but decimated a piece of her humanity. In her mind she'd killed people tonight, and he couldn't let her think otherwise.

"Ian?" Her voice was barely audible over the high pressured jet streams. She could hardly form words as her eyes closed. Overwhelmed with relief that he had come her muscles let go, and she felt the ache everywhere.