Before It's Too Late

Chapter 36

"Oh, Muffin! Letting go hurts. Goodbye is never easy with the ones we love. But then, genuine love knows when to say goodbye. In doing so, you learn to love yourself again."

Avery nodded in between tears and sobs. "My fears still worry me. What if I'm selfish? I'm just thinking of myself and not of little Bean's future. Will I be enough for my child? Am I capable of raising a child without a father?"

"Muffin, accept that love is imperfect. We will never be enough." Her dad squeezed her hand. "You think if your mom and I were perfect, we would allow you to get hurt like now? We can try to be as we love."

"How come even after I let go, I still remember everything... about him.. us together?"

"Because it's a process. We let go so the new one could come in. But moving on is the hardest part. You may have to grieve or cry buckets for days or months. Then, you give yourself time to heal. Afterward, you start and try again."

"Oh, Dad! You always know when to say the right things." She felt her dad's gentle kiss on her hair.

"No, Muffin, it's living life. We are here to guide and love you unconditionally. But seriously, you're doing great in making your first step. Congratulations! On having the courage to move on. Allow the process. However slow or long it will take. Let destiny take its course." Her dad left, seeing a smile on her face.

Let destiny take its course. Her dad's last statement made Avery smile. It reminded her of the file Shelly sent. Should she open it? She decided there was no need to rush. Destiny might want her to slow down, to take her time.

***

As much as Avery would have liked to take her time and slow down, the days passed instantly. Then, finally, the day she was dreading arrived. She wondered why her parents didn't offer to accompany her to her prenatal appointment. Instead, both just gave her a ride and said nothing about picking her up after. She felt equally relieved and disappointed when a different OB welcomed her into Doctor Stella's clinic. The doctor informed her that Doctor Stella had a family event, so she was absent. She thought of changing her OB. It might be better for her nerves and her sanity. But she reminded herself of her new mantra: let destiny take its course.

Her check-up went smoothly. Little Bean's heartbeat was strong, and its development aced all the checklists. But when she left the clinic and saw the park, she missed Ella. Knowing that Doctor Stella wasn't around, she knew none of the James family was there, so she decided to go in. With a smile on her face, she patted her belly.

Unconsciously, Avery reminisced about her moments with Ella and how she missed her button-like eyes and cute, chubby cheeks. She couldn't deny that the little girl had grown on her in so little time. She smiled, feeling the warmth of her tiny hands. Spending another day in the park with Ella would have been nice.

Don't you miss her hot hotshot dad, too? Her lips curved into a bigger smile. Destiny yourself, Shells! As if talking to her best friend, she mentally listed the reasons Ethan James was off-limits. Then, she started seeing Mr. Hot Hotshot's face everywhere in the park. OMG! What's happening? Yeah, I met Ethan James. That's it. Charge it to experience!

Suddenly, the urge to check the destiny file sent by Shelly made her anxious. First, she looked around to ensure no one was looking at her. Then, slowly, she sat on the nearest park bench. She looked for Shelly's email among her unread messages. Surely her best friend knew by now that she hadn't opened it. It was unusual for Shelly not to call and nag her, especially since it had been a week.

How could she open and read the file without Shelly knowing? Although embarrassed to make it known, she got curious and gave in to her best friend's craziness. Finally, she planned to read it fast and mark it unread after.