Indecisive (Loki Laufeyson x Bucky Barnes x Reader)

CHAPTER 26

You are home. This is home.

I told myself again and again. But was it? 

It is. 

A voice seemed to say. A voice of conscience I hoped. 

I placed my hand against the cool metal and turned, pulling it open. 

I walked slowly and quietly to the kitchen, listening for any noise that would mean someone else was up. After realizing I was the only one, I walked across the room to the cabinets. Pulling one open I grabbed a glass and filled it with water. 

I turned and surveyed the room, noticing the balcony and feeling as though fresh air would be a good idea. 

I stuck a hand out and grabbed the handle pulling it slowly and as quietly as possible. I stepped out, letting the breeze blow my hair out of my face. I walked over to the edge, putting a hand on the railing. 

I looked out to the city, watching as the lights of apartments turned out, and the traffic slowing as people made their way home. 

I felt him before he said anything. He placed his hands on either side of mine, his chest meeting my back. He placed his head onto my shoulder. 

"Couldn't sleep?" he asked. 

"No." I said quietly, feeling the warmth from him seep into me. It took almost all my strength not to lean into him. 

I felt his breath against my neck with each exhale. I stood there thinking unsure of what to do with myself. If I should turn in his arms or stay standing. 

He didn't give me an option as his arms came around me once more and wrapped around my waist. The warmth in my chest began to spread as I felt knots begin to form in my core. A wave of shivers rolled down my body as I became aware of every part of us touching. 

My body relaxed in his arms without my control. I let him hold me. It felt wrong to let him do it this soon after Loki's passing, but come to think of it me and Loki hadn't exactly been anything to begin with. 

Still, I didn't think I would let it go further then him holding me. Not yet. 

It felt good to be held, if felt good to be with him. 

"I missed you everyday." he began. 

I smiled at that.

He turned me around in his arms, pinning me to the spot against the railing. I kept my head facing to the ground not being able to look at him smiling this hard. 

I felt the soft but calloused pads of his fingers as he tilted my head up to face him. Every part of me that he touched set fire as his eyes met mine. I couldn't look away. 

"Y/N I have to get this out right now, I don't think I can hold onto it anymore." 

"What's it about?" I asked. 

"It's about your mom." he began.

I turned away at that my body becoming as taught as a bow string. A stinging sensation forming in my eyes. I blinked it away as he pulled me to face him again. He waited in silence, my eyes not meeting his.

"Hey, hey look at me. It's okay. We don't have to talk about it right now." He pulled me against him in a tight embrace, brushing his hand against my head in continus strokes, "I've got you. You're okay now." 

I stayed silent, afraid of what I might say next. 

He kissed the side of my head, "I've always got you."

I relaxed again in his arms. 

"I know." I replied. But I didn't know. 

It felt so easy to lose him. So easy for his mind to be controlled and I know it wasn't his fault, but I couldn't help the feeling of uncertainty that crept inside me. 

"We should really get back inside." he said, resting arm on my lower back to guide me back through the sliding doors. 

He walked me back to my room not letting go until I was at my door. I opened it and stepped inside. 

"Goodnight Y/N." 

"Goodnight Bucky." I answered over my shoulder. 

I closed the door behind me and walked halfway towards my bed before I hastily turned around. 

I ran back to the door and pulled it open. 

I could see him at the end of the hall, as he turned back to me, concern plastered on his face. 

"What's wrong?" he asked stepping closer to me. 

I took a second before speaking, "Can you stay with me tonight?"

He waited a moment, staring at me. 

"I'd like that." he replied. 

He walked over to me and through the door of my room as I re-shut it once more. I walked in front of him and climbed into bed, he followed behind putting an arm around me. 

"Please don't leave." I whispered, placing my head against his chest. His heartbeat a steady sound in my ear. 

"I won't."