i'm so sick of seventeen (those golden years)

coming out of my cage (will i do just fine?)

Lying gets easier, after that.

It honestly worries him, how easy it's become. He doesn't think twice about lying about his whereabouts, or how long he's been awake, or the last time he ate something more substantial than a granola bar. Sunoo's concealer, he's found, is perfect for covering up dark circles and bruises. His smile is as convincing as ever, even if it doesn't quite reach his eyes. He has everyone fooled––even Sunoo.

Everyone except Sunghoon, that is. Somehow, Sunghoon knows something is up. He always knows, instinctively, when something is going on with one of the maknaes. Lately, Sunghoon is constantly looking at him, waiting for him to slip up. He walked in the bathroom while Jungwon was in there, and Jungwon suddenly found himself explaining why he was putting on makeup on a Sunday when they didn't have a schedule.

It feels like every time Jungwon turns around, l Sunghoon is standing behind him, making the same face he makes at his maths homework. Even when he isn't doing anything, Sunghoon frowns at him with a disapproving look, darkening his features. Jungwon can't help himself from thinking he still looks good, even frowning. Bastard.

Eventually, he gets used to being watched. In dance practice, he looks up and sure enough, Sunghoon has his gaze fixed on him in the mirror. They just sit there, staring at each other. The dark walls of the practice room fade out, and all he can see is Sunghoon. Even after his hyung looks away, his gaze lingers, transfixed. He's so focused on Sunghoon that he misses his count for the part they're working on, and throws off the whole ripple. Sunghoon raises a questioning eyebrow at him, as if it isn't directly his fault that Jungwon missed his count.

"Jungwon." Heeseung says, clearly trying not to sound as tired and annoyed as he probably is. "You're on two. Please try and get it right, you're throwing off the next eight-count. Let's do it from the top––Riki, will you get the music, please?"

The latest title track starts over, and Jungwon feels the beginnings of a headache coming on. In trying to stave it off, he misses his count for the ripple. Again. Everyone groans, including Jungwon. The music starts again, and Jungwon misses it another time. Everyone looks really annoyed now, and he can feel the pinprick of tears in the corner of his eyes.

"For fucks sake, Jungwon. It shouldn't be this hard! You're on two, not three, not four, not five. Two. I'm not trying to be a dick here, but you're holding everyone up. We won't be ready at this rate, and you know who they're going to blame when we look unprepared? You. This is what you signed up for when you decided to be leader." Heeseung growls, patience clearly snapping. Everyone diverts their eyes from the two of them and walks away. Jungwon doesn't blame them, he'd also rather be anywhere else right now. If he could leave he would, but Heeseung's presence towers over him, keeping him in his place.

Jungwon's eyes stay glued to the floor. An uncomfortable silence surrounds them, the ticking of the clock on the wall much louder than it should be. Heeseung lets out a loud, airy sigh. It slices through the air, hot and threatening.

Heeseung clenches his jaw and puts his head in hands. "You know what? Clearly this isn't working. We should just call it a day and try again tomorrow," he goes to stand up, then adds as an afterthought, "good work today, guys. I'll see you at home in a few, I'm just gonna shower here."

Jungwon frowns. He had planned to stay behind and get a few more hours of rehearsal time, but he would rather die than be alone with Heeseung any longer than he has to. The older man is already side-eyeing him as he slings his towel over his sweat-soaked shoulder. Jungwon hurriedly packs his things, not bothering to fold his sweat towel or his street clothes when he throws them in.