TIRED | pacey witter

𝙁𝙄𝙑𝙀

"pacey's gonna be heartbroken when he see this," joey jokes. i'm not so sure about that but i feel heartbroken seeing it.

i can't believe this, how could he do this? he promised me he wouldn't. how could he not know that this is going to ruin his life, ruin ms. jacobs.

it's one thing that he broke a promise but it's worse that he lied to me about it. he lied to me; he lied straight to my face. how long has this been going on for? how long has he been making me look stupid?

i don't just look stupid, i feel stupid. i feel stupid, naive, and young. how does it always seem to come back to that? why is pacey always the one that makes me feel small? i always thought that he would be the one that would make me feel special. i guess i was wrong.

i realize how long i've been spacing off for when i feel dawson's eyes on me. i turn my head to look at him and notice a worried expression on his face. i feel my eyes start to water but quickly look away to subdue them. "i'm gonna go to bed now, night guys," i say quickly, leaving dawson's room.

once i make it back to my own room, i can't hold back my tears. god, this is so stupid. why am i crying over this? he's not my boyfriend, it's not like he cheated on me but it really feels like that. i feel betrayed. my trust is broken, he broke it.

i'm so angry at him. i don't think i've ever felt this angry at anyone. i shouldn't feel stupid when he's the one that's acting stupid. he's making a huge mistake. he'll understand that one day.

or maybe he won't. maybe he'll never understand what he's doing. maybe he'll never understand what he's doing to me.

i never thought about that before. what if he never knows how i feel about him. what if i never tell him because of this. because he broke a promise. maybe things would've been better if i never had feelings for him. maybe i need to just let this all go; let him go.

i can't control him, i can't stop him from making stupid mistakes. i should've known that was a losing battle.

after awhile, i drift off to sleep; waking up the next morning to the sound of knocking at my bedroom door.  "what is it? i'm sleeping!" i yell as dawson opens my door.

"hey, me and the gang are gonna go get lunch today. do you want to come?"

i groan and turn away from the door, "no thanks."

dawson steps into my room and closes the door behind him. i turn to give him an annoyed look before turning back around. "hey, what's wrong?" he asks, concern dripping off his words.

"nothing, i'm fine." i monotone, staring at my window.

dawson steps closer to my bed, "no you're not, i know you. just tell me what's wrong."

i groan and pull my blanket over my head, "just leave me alone, dawson."

dawson sighs, "does this have anything to do with pacey? you seemed pretty annoyed at him the other day at the icehouse."

how does he know things like this? just when i thought he was always wrapped up in his own shit he still finds a way to know about mine. i hesitantly bring down the covers and turn towards him, "i don't really want to talk about it but yeah pretty much."