I'm In, For Life [BRIGHTWIN]

5. don't break my heart

But I was also dangerously drawn towards it.

It's you, it's always you.
If I'm ever gonna fall in love, I know it's gonna be you.

It's you, it's always you.
Met a lot of people but nobody felt like you.

I've sung a hundred songs before but today for the first time ever, I felt the meaning behind the otherwise empty words.

And I hoped it all was reaching to Tine. Because there was no other way I could tell him that today, I was not only singing of love.

I could feel it too.

...

Our performance ended and I ran away from the stage before Tine could approach me. I was perspiring heavily, panicking because my shitless gut could not deal with the way he was looking at me.

When I left the envelope in Tine's room, I could not meet my eyes in mirror. How could I? I was just being a selfish hypocrite who said he'd stay away from Tine but doing everything he can to do exactly opposite.

"No I just did it to apologize. After tonight, we are done."

I kept repeating it backstage when I was interrupted by mom's call.

"How did it go?" She asked, "did he forgive you?"

"Uhh - I still haven't talked to him."

"If Tine forgives you, then what?" She asked after a pause.

"What do you mean?"

I heard her on the other side, "if Tine forgives you today, then what Wat? Would you accept him now -"

"Mom not again please" I said agitated, "we have talked about it."

"Then why are you doing so much? If you don't want to befriend him, just let him be."

"Do you think Tine only wants to be friends with me?" I asked cautiously.

She didn't say a word. I decided it was time I spoke it out loud the thing that was bothering me, not to mention keeping me away from Tine.

I took a deep breathe and shifted in a corner.

"Mom there's something you should know" I said, "Tine likes me-"

"Yes" Mom said simply, "Tine likes you. No wait, he loves you actually. Anything else?"

My jaws dropped as I froze in disbelief.

"You knew?" I gasped.

She scoffed gently, "everybody knows Wat."

"Then you should have stopped him mom!" I snapped, anger filling me.

"Tine is in illusion. He doesn't even know me."

"Wat" mom said sternly, her voice dripping with seriousness.

"Past is past. I think you should let it go."

I didn't reply, sensing the tears mixing in her voice and my shoulders drooped, the tension in air making me want to throw up.

"If Tine finds out" I muttered, "do you think he would let it go?"

"Wat.."

"Tell me he would let it go and I will go to him right now and tell him everything. I'll even let him in my heart but tell me mom" I said, my voice shaking, "would he accept me if he finds out the truth?"

"He will never know Wat" she said determined, "he must not know."

A tear rolled down my cheek at what she implied.