In The Bleak Midwinter | T Shelby

TWENTY THREE - CUTTING TIES

They watched as Calvin paid the taxi driver and walked towards them, suitcase in hand, snowflakes settling into his black hair.

"Kaia, darling, you should be inside, it's freezing out here."

"Yes," she cleared her throat and smiled weakly at him as he approached them, "I know, I was just..."

Calvin looked at Tommy who let go of the doorframe and stuffed his hands into the pockets of his coat.

"I stopped by to check on her, her father asked me to since he's away with Bonnie. I'll leave you to it, anyway." Tommy nodded, locking eyes with Kaia for a longing moment before turning his back on them and disappearing into the night.

Calvin said nothing, just made his way into the house and closed the door behind him, hanging his coat up by the door.

"You er," Calvin sniffed and shrugged his shoulders, "You don't look or sound particularly ill, Kaia?"

The sickness feeling intensified, growing stronger and crawling up through her lungs, making her feel like she was drowning in guilt. It wasn't guilt from kissing Thomas and it wasn't guilt for lying to Calvin, it was guilt about having to break a good man's heart.

"Calvin..." she whispered softly, biting her lip and looking upwards to calm her stomach and stop tears from falling.

He chuckled lightly and shook his head, "You could've told me over the phone, darling, it'll hurt more in person."

Kaia forced herself to look at him. His dark eyes were pits of sorrow and yet he didn't look angry or frustrated, he didn't seem betrayed or broken. He was calm, collected and mindful, reminding Kaia of the qualities that had attracted her to him in the first place.

She wasn't exactly sure how he'd figured it out so easily, perhaps she wasn't as good at hiding things as she thought. Whether it was the stolen glance Tommy took before he turned and left or whether it was something else, she wouldn't ever know.

"I'm sorry, Calvin. I didn't want to hurt you, I didn't want things to be like this but," she paused, sighing as she looked at his face, taking a moment to admire how beautiful he was, "I can't lie to myself."

"I know," he smiled sadly, "I knew when I saw the panic in your face before Christmas and I knew when Bonnie didn't hesitate to try and break his jaw that he wasn't just anybody."

The way Calvin was willing to take it so amicably made it oddly harder for Kaia. She had prepared herself to argue and scream the walls down, perhaps listen to him call her all the derogatory names under the sun, but she got nothing of the sort.

"I'd never keep you from following your heart, Kaia. If you feel in your gut that you should be with him, I won't stop you."

Kaia felt herself tearing up as he looked at her so endearingly, a soft smile playing on his lips and his eyes gentle, warm like sweet honey and his aura feeling like home, only it wasn't her home.

Her home was the black shadow of Small Heath, some would say the devil that walked the Earth and some would say the saviour himself. However, the way other people saw him was nothing to Kaia, she saw Thomas for who he was, a diamond in the rough that people mistook for coal after being buried in troubles for too long. But she saw him, and she would always see him.

There were so many things that Kaia wanted to say to Calvin, she wanted to tell him how highly she thought of him and how much she appreciated his kindness and the warmth of his soul, his chivalrous ways and tiny squeezes of her hand that made her slowly begin to fall for him, but she couldn't manage a single word.

"Hey," he said, walking towards her and gently tucking a strand of her hair behind her ear, "You don't have to say anything, alright? I've learned to read you, Kaia."

She struggled a small smile. Nobody had ever been able read her before, though now she had met two men that could. Maybe opening up wasn't such a bad thing after all.

"You are a beautiful, talented, incredible woman and I have great respect for you, I don't want you to forget that."

As he looked down at her, his captivating eyes staring deep into her own, Kaia expected to feel an urge to kiss him, only she felt nothing.

"Thank you, Calvin."

He left the house with his head held high and the way silence became locked in when the door fell shut made Kaia relax. Her body had been tense, her mind confused and muddled and her heart feeling like it had stopped one moment but beating far too fast the next had exhausted her.

The silence fell upon her like a comforter and she felt herself slowly drift off to sleep by the fire, Bonnie's blanket wrapped around her body. That night, her mind revisited a place it hadn't been to in a while, and she dreamt of Thomas Shelby, knowing that when she woke up, her dreams would come true.