Zehnaseeb ✓

t h i r t y - s e v e n

Why would he stop mama then?

"How are you?" his eyes hold unspilt tears.

I'd rather be a burden on papa for the forced birth than be one on any of these. They don't deserve it.

"I don't know," I look for my clothes.

I need to leave.

"Is dad out there?"

He shakes his head, "He had a meeting,"

I watch him for a second, then nod.

Of course, of course even if it is a small meeting it's a million times more important.

He realises what he just said and tries to cover it up, "I mean—"

"I don't care. I need to get out of this hospital."

"You haven't recovered yet—"

"—Recovery my foot, I don't care. I don't want it. I hate this word. I'm going to relapse, I don't give a fuck. Let's be honest, none of you care." I walk to the bag.

None of them care and I shouldn't either.

"We all do, you're blind," he takes the bag from me, "you're not going anywhere."

I watch him,

He continues, "You have um, a psychiatric evaluation in half an hour. They'll decide if you can go home after it."

I can't do this.

I'm so fucking sick of everyone having an eye on me. I'm not crazy.

I feel dizzy and walk to the bed.

I don't remember anything, I just know I don't reach it.

~~~

After hours of sitting in silence and nodding and shaking my head at everything, I see it's been twenty-four hours since I last saw Azaan.

No divorce papers have reached me.

I'm about to ask bhai for his phone when I realize he's not like Azaan. He has his privacy, his chats, his gallery. It'd not be okay.

I'd have to say it out loud.

But he'll never listen to me.

Why does— Why not? Why would anyone not like Azaan more than me?

"Bhai?" It comes out low. I'm sick of clearing my throat every once in a while.

"Huh?" He moves to me as quickly as possible.

"Do you like Azaan?"

He wonders where that came from but nods, "why?"

"More than you like me?"

"No, of course not."

"Right? Because why would you? You've always been there for me. I've known you for longer—"

"I love you, Sawera,"

"But it must be tiring to always be there, right? Like, whenever I called you I never thought you had your own life, you were always, always there—"

"It isn't tiring. If you had called me before all of this, I'd still have appeared in seconds."

"No, but I don't want to trouble— that's not the point. I, I don't want to live with Azaan anymore. I need a lawyer."