Love Again

4

Songhwa sighed as she hates herself for thinking too much like this. Even having a negative thought. She can't lie that ever since Ikjun comeback to her life, ever since he worked at Yulje, ever since he accompanied her to check her biopsy's result, ever since he came to Sokcho, he took almost half of her brain thinking about him. Every little thing he did in front of her suddenly matter, suddenly getting her attention.

She once asked Iksun why she can't stop this worry ever since Ikjun got accident that night, that made her hard to sleep until Ikjun called her that he's already on his bed ready to sleep too and Songhwa remember how Iksun smiled looking at her.
"Because you love him, love made you feel warm and happy when you see him, but also made you anxious when you don't see him. That's the thing we find so hard to control when we love someone."

She remembers how she immediately called him after the surgery when he need to go back to Changwon for recovery, indeed she wanted to hear his voice, but that's also she wants to make sure that he was okay, that he's still fine when he's out from her sight.

After all she thought moving in with him could make her less worry as they will always be together, and also it's probably a step to gets real closer to Ikjun. Though they're together now, Songhwa realizes there's something inside Ikjun's life that she find hard to reach, and he didn't even let it out. He always keeps his burden to himself, he never really share any hard situation he had before to her.

Songhwa remember how Ikjun didn't tell much about his divorce. He once told Songhwa and the boys before band practice that Hyejeong has another man and ask for divorce. At that time all of them were being silent, until Junwan said that's a good thing for him to get divorce. Until now, nobody brings that up again.

*****

"Gyeosunim, do you have plan for summer vacation ?"
Ikjun decided to have lunch meeting with Minha and Gyeoul since Songhwa still in surgery. Still swallow tteokbokki in his mouth, squinting his eyes, thinking how this bear couple getting more cohesive each day. "Seokhyung already told me."
"Aaahh geurae... So ?"
"I don't have any plan now but..."
"Great" Ikjun haven't finish his words when Minha claps her hand in front of his face. She smiled and continued to eat her tteokbokki.
"Yaaa, I haven't finished, I'm gonna talk to Songhwa first."
"Don't worry, Songhwa eonnie already agreed."
"Mwo ?"
"I talked to her this morning when i jumped to her before rounds"
Ikjun on silence remember he haven't tell Songhwa about Uju's plan, but actually he prefers to have summer vacation with his friends and brings Uju with him. But lately Uju already mentions some stuff he plans for his trip to Jeju. He even asked Mone if she and her family want to go to Jeju too on summer vacation.

He hasn't processed anything since his last meeting with Hyejeong. He left Hyejeong without saying anything as Uju called him. And he haven't tell Songhwa any of it.

Ikjun back to his office and start to think how to share all of this with Songhwa. He saw her look on her face yesterday how worried she was about him, and he thought with him sharing all of this might add another burden to her. Especially since he also just asked her to move in with him. He closes his eyes as his hands on his forehead, feels headache all over it.

Ikjun still sits down on his chair when Junwan open his door walks in. He calls Ikjun but Ikjun didn't move a bit from his chair, only respond with his voice, and Junwan can feels something is wrong with him.
"Yaaa, gwaenchana ? What's wrong ?" Ikjun still didn't move but slowly his hand comes down and he turns to Junwan. "Do you wanna have drink tonight ?" and that's the first time Junwan feels Ikjun asked for drink because something is wrong with him.

*****

It's already one bottle of soju and five glass of beers, Ikjun still haven't talked anything. Junwan never pushed his bestfriends to share or tell him everything. He believes everyone has their own privacy and he doesn't want to cross the line unless they really want to tell him. But seeing Ikjun in front of him like this, kind makes him more worried than before.
"Ikjun-ah."
Junwan can see his face is getting red, his puffy eyes shows him that he may not getting a good sleep last night, feels like Ikjun is not here with him.