Tentacles of Love

patrick, is that you?

"PATRICK???" we all exclaim. i think my eardrums just popped. like my d-
anyhoo, as patrick steps closer to the group, mr krabs pulls him in to a beautiful embrace. i look over at squidward and see drool dripping from his itty bitty wittle mouth. i punch him in the arm and his tentacle falls off. i immediately pick it up and start to munch on it, as would anyone.
"owie, that hurted🥺," he says to me.
"mmmm calamari🦑," i reply, mouthful of suction cups.
suddenly, our conversation is so rudely put to a halt when patrick finally speaks up.
"yesh. we shard at gar art tar dinnar as a six persan carple."
as none of us can understand a word he just said, mr krabs lends us a helping...claw?
"sorry, gang. my hubby only speaks in cursive. he agrees with my proposal. what about the rest of you?"
we all nod in agreement. we then set a time to go out and the restaurant at which we'll meet.

a few hours later and sandy and i are ready to go. we decided to meet at the fanciest restaurant in town: the krusty krab, obviously.
sandy and i dressed up in tuxedos we stole from gary, spongebob's pet rat. oops, i meant snail.
the restaurant is cleaner than usual; the bacon grease puddle has disappeared.

after a nice meal with the fam, my social battery runs low and i need to excuse myself to the washroom for a break. i take a nice long piss and see a pregnancy test on the bathroom floor. i sniff it (obviously). i could pick that pee out from a lineup. it's sandy's. oh god. it's positive.