Honeyed Cabernet | H. Bartinelli ✔

[36]

His brow furrowed in alarm, the pessimistic side of him drawing conclusions that were not far from what was about to happen, "okay..."

"You're the best thing that has ever happened to me, you know that, right?" She was struggling to find the right words to talk to him, "but Alexander, I... I think if we stay together, it would only become a problem for both of us."

The smile faded from his face just like she had thought earlier and the pain in her heart increased. "But why? What happened?"

It had been so easy for her to voice it all out to Jason even though she had been conflicted back then too. But right at the current moment, she felt terrible.

It seemed as if she was cutting her own heart and throwing it away. The look of shock and pain on Alex's features made it twice worse.

"Helena, what did I do wrong?" His palms had gently cupped her cheeks, his voice breaking with hurt, "please be honest with me."

"It's not like that..."

"Then why are you pushing me away? I love you..."

Tears were pricking at the corners of her eyes to see those honey shaded irises depict such pain but she forced herself not to break down in front of him. She was the Huntress, she could not let herself appear weak.

But right then all she felt was weak. As if she had herself chopped off a very important part of her existence.

"Alexander, I love you too," she spoke up, regretting the bitter aftertaste those words left in her mouth, "and that's why I don't want to be selfish with you. I warned you earlier, didn't I? I will ruin you if we keep this up..."

"Then let me be ruined," his fingers caressed her cheeks gently, "I don't care."

"But I do... I care!" That once, her voice was the same sharp tone that could pierce through any heart. But right then it wasn't sharp with indifference, it was sharp and cutting from the pain it held. "Alexander, I have given this a lot of thought. It's better for us to just let go of each other."

His mouth clenched shut, not a word escaping his lips but the pain on his face was evident.

"Look, you're too good for me and I don't want to stay with you because that would get you hurt. I can't trust you because I don't want to be betrayed. I can't let you in because if I did, I would only be pushing you towards an end sooner than you deserve. I'm bad for you and this relationship is bad for us."

His silence was cutting through her and she no longer had any words to justify her decision.

At last, he spoke up, "are you done?"

"What?"

"Do you have anything else to say?"

The voice that had always been sweet and gentle was breaking but cold and it pierced through her heart, "no."

"Then listen to me too," he retrieved his hands from her since his temples were throbbing from pain and he held his head, "this relationship is not bad for us, it never was. You genuinely cared for me and loved me. And if you can't trust me, that's on me, isn't it? I can wait for however long you need to determine whether or not I can be trusted. But Helena... Don't shut me out."

"If I don't shut you out, I will regret it later."

"And I am regretting it now," his voice shook as he stood up, "you know what hurts more than the fact that you're ending all of this?"

She braced herself for an answer that would cut through her again.

"What hurts most is that you thought it was just your decision to take and you gave it a lot of thought but didn't bother to let me in on it earlier. You just gave the verdict, Len, you never asked me if I wanted it or not. You didn't even give me time to think... You're right... At this rate, you will never trust me."

"I want to but... I can't..." She stared down at her hands that were empty, "I have learnt that the hard way. I can't afford to get hurt further, I won't be able to heal again if I did."

"Then you must have learnt this the hard way too; scars left due to hurtful words don't heal either." 

With that remark he left without saying another word to her. And the second he stepped out the door, it felt as if he had taken all her happiness and comfort away with him.

She felt empty without him. Almost as if her heart left with him.

And right then Jason's words came back to her again. She had made Alex bleed too just like many others before him.

She was the Huntress who merely pursued the prey for the thrill of the chase. She hunted and right then the pursuit was over.

But it didn't seem as if she had only killed the prey, in fact it felt as if the arrow had plunged deep through her heart too.

***